What if you catch your partner cheating

Imagine your world suddenly standing still because you discover that your partner has cheated on you. It feels like an emotional rollercoaster and you probably don’t really know WTF you should do. We’ll give you tips to get you through the worst initial chaos and get a picture of how you want to proceed. From starting the conversation to finally deciding whether you want to end the relationship or work on it together.

Breathe!

Countless things seem to be happening at the same time and you’re mixed up with all kinds of emotions. You’re angry, sad, hurt and maybe you simply don’t understand what happened. It’s completely normal to be upset in a situation like this. You probably have a lot of questions and worries that keep you awake at night. Feel free to take your time to process all your feelings and take stock of your questions before you actually talk to your partner. Your emotions are a whirlwind, try to get enough sleep and avoid alcohol. Take time and space to calm down. This will help you to keep it together and communicate clearly when you are ready to do so. NOTE: if things are just too overwhelming for you to deal with at this stage, don’t hesitate to get in touch with your GP!

Say it like it is

When you’re ready to talk, keep your communication open and honest. Ask your partner to tell you what happened, whether it was the first time and if there’ve have been other times when your lover was tempted. Be honest about your feelings and share your thoughts and worries. This is the time to voice any doubts and fears. Though possibly uncomfortable for your partner, you may not rest until the cheating has been discussed in detail and all your questions have been answered. Your trust has been damaged and this honest exchange can also be a first step to recover mutual trust. It’s a difficult but necessary process, that can also bring you closer together again.

The cause

If you can handle talking about this already… you can try to check with your partner what the trigger or reason for the infidelity was. Dig deeper and try to understand the causes of the cheating. Did something go wrong in the relationship? Have there been any unresolved issues or communication problems? Although there is no good excuse for cheating, understanding the root of the problem can bring some acceptance, help you to address any future problems and restore your connection.

What now?

Now is the time to think about what you really want. Do you want to save the relationship or has trust been damaged beyond repair? How much you’ve invested in your relationship so far and whether or not you’ve been happy together is probably significant as well. Be honest to yourself about your feelings and about what you think is best for you in the long run. Also consider the possibilities and limitations of repairing the relationship. Is your relationship worth staying for to work on rebuilding trust and your connection?

Moment of truth

Eventually, you reach the crucial moment where you’ll have to decide whether you want to stay and work on your relationship or end it. This will not be an easy decision, but it’s important to listen to your intuition and do what feels best for you. Which choice will make you happiest in the end, do you think? A break-up is always tough, but don’t be distracted too much by peripheral matters like what family or friends might think. This only concerns you together. However, a relationship that doesn’t make you happy (anymore), is never worth it. If you’re still committed and willing to work on healing the relationship, it can be supportive to go to a couples therapist together. But the main thing then is to stay open and honest to each other and maintain good communication, as it will take time and patience to restore the trust in your partner.

Follow your heart

Remember, in this situation there is no right or wrong decision. What matters is what’s best for your well-being and happiness. Whether you decide to continue with your partner or choose a new path, don’t forget that you deserve to be in a healthy, loving and respectful relationship with a trustworthy partner.