Sex with your ex: the pros and cons you should consider

Few things are as complex as having sex with your ex. The line between desire, nostalgia and the consequences of your past can be confusing. Maybe it’s an impulse, a surge of desire, or an attempt to rekindle the connection that you used to have. But is sex with your ex really a good idea? 

The pros of sex with your ex

1. Familiar territory: in many cases, sex with your ex is the “safest” option if you’re in need of physical intimacy. You know each other well, know what they like and already have experience together. So this can make the process feel much less uncertain compared to getting into bed with someone new.
   Tip: because you know each other so well, there is a sense of comfort and ease, which could lead to less stress and more fun.
2. Emotional connection: sometimes sex with your ex can help fill an emotional void, especially if you’ve remained friends after the break-up. Sex can be a way to feel that old connection again and maybe even discover if there are still any feelings left.
   Tip: if you feel safe and emotionally ready to have your ex close again, this can be a way to experience that old connection again.
3. No obligations: sex without obligations can be refreshing, especially if both parties are clear about what it means. There are no expectations of a relationship, but just the physical experience itself. This can be both exciting and enlightening, as long as the boundaries are well-defined.
   Tip: make clear agreements in advance about what is and isn’t okay, so there won’t be any misunderstandings or awkward situations.
4. A sense of ‘closure’: sometimes sex can serve as a kind of closure, especially if you still have unfinished business together. It can be a way to conclude the relationship, let go of old emotions and move on.
   Tip: it’s essential to know if both parties are emotionally capable of saying goodbye without falling back into old patterns or expectations.

The cons of sex with your ex

1. Emotional confusion: sex with your ex can revive old feelings, and that’s often not as easy as you might think. It can be confusing, as you may experience feelings of love, desire or even jealousy again. Such feelings can make it hard to see clearly if you are headed in the right direction or falling back into the same emotional trap.
   Tip: be honest to yourself and your ex about your feelings, so you don’t end up in a cycle of emotional confusion.
2. Reliving old problems: sex with your ex can quickly bring up old wounds and problems. If certain issues were the reason you broke up, chances are that these issues haven’t gone away, not even after a few hours shared in bed. This can lead to awkward conversations and feelings of frustration.
   Tip: ask yourself if you are willing to bear the emotional burden that came with your break-up again.
3. Loss of friendship: it’s quite possible that having sex with your ex could jeopardize the friendship you may have built after the break-up. Sex can re-ignite old romantic feelings, and if one of you isn’t clear about their intentions, it can change the dynamics between you. Friendship can sometimes be hard to maintain when sexual tension is back.
   Tip: consider what is more important to you: your friendship or the temptation of renewed physical intimacy. Be honest about what you want out of this situation.
4. Potential new complications: sex with your ex could lead to new complications. For example, your ex may think that there is still a chance to rekindle the relationship, while you may just be looking for a one-time sexual encounter. It can also get in the way of new relationships, especially if you don’t make a clear distinction between your past and your future.
   Tip: make sure that you both have the same expectations and that you don’t cause unwanted drama in other parts of your life.
5. The risk of falling into old habits: sex with your ex can take you back to old habits and routines that may not have been good for you. Sometimes it’s easier to fall back into the dynamic of the old relationship, even if you know that it’s not working. This could open the door to confusion or even to reviving a relationship that you’ve tried to end.
   Tip: consider this: do you just want to establish a physical connection, or you are also still emotionally attached to the old relationship? Make sure you’re not going back to a situation you’ve actually wanted to get out of.