What to do with his sperm? A practical guide for after sex

The sex was good. May even great. And then there’s that moment. That slightly awkward moment where you think: what now? Because nobody tells you this. Not at school, not in the movies and definitely not on that pink cloud of romantic expectations. But it is a real question. What to do with his sperm after sex? Don’t panic. Let’s just talk about it.

Facts first

Sperm consists of approximately 90% water. The rest is a cocktail of proteins, sugars, minerals and enzymes. It’s not gross, it’s not dangerous and it’s definitely not something to be scared of. On average, one ejaculation contains about 2 to 5 milliliters. Not exactly a tidal wave, but if you’re not prepared for it, it could feel like one.

Option 1: swallowing

Let’s start with the most discussed option first. Swallowing is completely safe and hygienic, as long as your partner doesn’t have an STD (sexually transmitted disease). The stomach simply does its job and digests it like any other protein. The taste actually varies per person and is influenced by diet. Pineapple really works, while coffee and alcohol make it bitter. So, you literally are what you eat.

Don’t want to swallow? Then you don’t have to. Period. There’s no reason for you to do something you don’t feel like, no matter how much he would like it.

Option 2: spitting

Honestly: this is an option too. Not glamorous, but practical. Do you have a towel or tissue at hand? Perfect. No judgement, no drama. Some people just don’t like the taste or texture and that’s completely understandable. Sex should be good for everyone involved; aftermath included.

Option 3: somewhere else

There are other options besides the mouth. Just let it out on the stomach, or on the back. But next question is: what do you with it afterwards? Tissues seem logical but don’t actually work. They leave too many bits behind and that’s not pleasant at all. A towel or his boxers are much better. You just throw it in the wash afterwards and that’s it. Some people even have a dedicated sex towel and, honestly, that’s one of the smartest things you can do. Always within reach, no lying about stained sheets, just wash it after use.

Option 4: just leave it in

If you don’t use contraception and want to get pregnant, or play without condom, of course there’s always the option of doing nothing. Your body will take care of the rest. Good to know, though: standing up after sex has zero effect on your chances of getting pregnant – a stubborn myth we can finally get rid of.

Option 5: condom

The most underrated solution for the whole issue: simply using a condom. Everything stays neat, nobody has to go anywhere and the aftermath is literally one move. Tie it off, throw it away, done. Simple, clean and with the bonus of protection. Honestly, the most logical option of all, yet somehow the first people tend to forget.

And what about hygiene?

Short and sweet: just go to the bathroom and pee. Not only because it’s good for your bladder and helps prevent urinary tract infections, but also practical as the pressure from peeing pushes most of the semen out too. Two birds, one stone.

Even easier? Sex in the shower. Just rinse it off with the showerhead straight away and you’re done. No stains, no hassle, no evidence. The ultimate solution if you don’t want to think about the aftermath.

Does it still stain later in the day? Menstruation underwear is your new bestie. You really don’t have to go for big shorts straight away, a regular thong in menstrual-underwear fabric is more than enough to catch any residue. Smart, discrete and it just goes in the wash afterwards.

Sex is messy. That’s exactly why it feels so good. And for the rest: towel ready, condom within reach, and just go for it.