The Things they Don’t Tell You About BDSM
BDSM

The Things they Don’t Tell You About BDSM

By Emmeline Peaches, 23.11.2020

Ah BDSM. Whips, chains, feathers, moaning and (sometimes) even tampons, if E.L. James is anything to go by. 

BDSM has experienced a huge boom in recent years and people have been blindfolding themselves into new levels of liberation and release.

It’s great for relieving feelings of stress, can increase bonding between partners, and instil sexual confidence and empowerment in Individuals. 

Given all this, you might be tempted to try BDSM yourself and there are many great guides on how you might engage with the activities of BDSM…but what do you really need to know when approaching BDSM.

That’s where this article comes in.

You’re not likely to find this advice in a top tips article, but here are a few very useful things to consider when first engaging with BDSM.

Safe Gestures Are Important

We all know about the concept of a safe word – something said during a session that basically means “Stop” so that you can use all typical refusal dialogue during your play session – but safe gestures are often overlooked and are very important.

Why? Well, think about it; if you’re bound and gagged how are you going to get your safe word out? A ball gag will make even the most adamant cry of “Avocado” is likely to become a muffled blur.

Because of this, it pays to also agree upon an action or gesture that is easy to do, see, feel, and understand during a session.

It’s important to meet all these criteria to keep yourself safe. A tap might seem like an obvious gesture, but in the heat of the moment it could be easily confused as a slap. A finger swirl is obvious…unless the Dom is looking at the area they’re spanking.

Find the right means for you and make sure it’s in place. Never underestimate the importance of safety.

As Is Lubrican

Lube is essential for anal toys. It’s also great for buffering strong toys, prolonging a session, or making the sting of a paddle even sharper.

Buy lubricant and expect to make it part of your practice. You’ll thank us for it later. 

You’ll Want Towels

Things can easily get sweaty, messy, waxy, oily…generally there’s a lot of fluids involved.

Having a few towels present really helps. You can place them down to stop fluids getting on surfaces, use them to wipe yourselves, use them to clean up after, or even use them as improve during play.

And You May Mess Up In Other Ways

Pinching the wrong areas, slipping, saying something that sounded really sexy in your head but came out all wrong.

Laugh it off; it’s all part of the experience and your learning curve.

Have a Good Muscle Balm

And a Good First aid kit in general.

Aftercare will be important for play, especially if spanking, rope play, or heavy physical excursion is in play.

Both the Dom and the Sub can benefit from this, plus the massage experience is a lovely bit of tender bonding during the comedown from a session.

And Water to Hand

BDSM sessions tend to be longer, involve a lot of hot moments, and can be very fluid demanding.

Make sure you have hydration to hand.

If needed, so small sugary items are also good, just in case you need to quickly raise blood sugars.

Get the Right Gear

Those Ben wa balls might look great, but what are they made of?

Chains are kinky, but what is the quick release function like?

Material, function, allergies, cleanliness; there are a lot of different pieces of kit when it comes to BDSM but not all of it is High quality, nor necessarily mandatory or right for you.

You could bring the highest quality leather collar to your lover, but if they’re a vegan then they’re not likely to want to be collared.

Take some time prior to a session to plan what you want to do, what you need, and then get the right, High quality gear for the job. It may cost more, but it will always be worth it.

And, Whatever You Do, Be Safe

Rope tied too tight can cause clotting and medical complications. If spanked in the wrong area real damage can be caused. Wax play is sexy, but with soya wax, not paraffin. 

Every sexual act has safety considerations, and the more props and actions you include the more complex they can get.

Always do your research about the worst-case scenario of any act of BDSM so that you have things in place to prevent them.

So, There You Have It

Exploring BDSM is a great form of sexual exploration, but it’s not without its logistical considerations.

Pay mind to the practicalities of BDSM and you’ll feel much more confident when engaging in BDSM, even if you’re new to the art.

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