How to Explore Your Kink with your Lover

How to Explore Your Kink with your Lover

By Emmeline Peaches, 18.03.2021

Everyone experiences sex and attraction differently. This is one of the most amazing things about human society. Unfortunately, some people still harbour a lot of fear uncertainty around their sexual preferences, especially when fetishes and kinks are involved. 

Fetishes and kinks are a completely normal part of human desire, yet they often manifest towards acts, items, or areas of the body that aren’t normally associate with sex. They can also often be quite intense, which can leave those unfamiliar with why they have such atypical strong desires feeling confused or distressed. This can be even further amplified if you have a partner/s who are vanilla in their every sexual whim. 

In such circumstances, disclosing your desires might feel incredibly daunting, but it’s not impossible. In fact, it can even bring you closer together! 

Here are some ways that you can break the ice and share your deepest desires with the one you love.

Bring It Up Impartially In Conversation

Not out of the blue, of course! However, if you find a way to veer into the topic of sex then it doesn’t hurt to ask “What are your views on fetishes?” or “Are there any kinks you think sound intriguing?”

By asking about views rather than fully disclosing your personal preferences (or theirs) both of you can approach the topic without feeling any pressure.

If things get too intense you can always change the topic. If they go well, you’ve got an easy way to veer into your own preferences.

Ask to Do a Yay, Nay, and Maybe List

A Yay, Nay, and Maybe list is just what it sounds like – you find a list of all the sexual acts, kinks, and fetishes that might typically come up, add in a few more each (to personalize it) and then write either Yay, Nay, or Maybe by each activity. 

This is a great way for both of you to make your sexual preferences clear, while also allowing you to be honest without having to verbalize it all in one go. 

When the list is done you can sit together and explain any sections that intrigue you. 

Not only does this give you a chance to disclose your kinks but it also allows you to learn more about your partner and share in new aspects of both your sexual preferences. 

Use Media as a Talking Point

Fifty Shades, Secret Diary of a Call Girl, Eyes Wide Shut; any media that involves even the slightest element of your kink is a good way to ease in to talking about it. 

Much like talking impartially, using media as a way to discuss kinks allows you to get an outsiders view of your partner’s views before bringing your own preferences in to conversation. Seeing a kink represented can also make it seem less unfamiliar and more accessible, making your partner initially more open to the idea. 

Besides, even if things don’t go the way you want you’ll still get to enjoy getting your kink gratified through the media, even if it’s not something you can share with your partner yet. 

Bring out the Board Games

No, we’re not talking about Scrabble. 

There are a slew of different adult-themed board games available nowadays, many of which offer 

questions relating to kinks and fetishes

Playing a game together makes sharing your sexual desires a joint experience and allows you to be more at ease while also making a mutual act of opening up sexual conversation. 

Similarly, you can get card games that do the same. The preference is yours. Some people find it awkward to pull out a full board when sex is usually part of playing such games, so it’s all about what you feel most comfortable with. 

One word of warning – many of these games also involve a drinking element. Remember that you don’t have to drink if you don’t want to. If sharing sensitive kink information that makes you nervous a drink might break the ice, but it could also lead to panic, fear, and an unwanted escalation of negative emotions. 

Play it safe with drinking adult board games…literally. 


The simple solutions are often the best. If you already have good sexual communication (or just communication) in place then a direct approach might be the best. Explain to your partner/s how you’re feeling about what you want to disclose but make it clear that doing so is important to you (and why).

Even if they don’t understand it, a good partner will often be understanding and accepting. There’s nothing to fear with fetishes – they’re natural and normal. Reassure yourself of that and take the plunge in sharing your kink with the one you love.

We hope these tips will help you.

You may also like