How to bring a low libido back up again
Sex tips

How to bring a low libido back up again

By Rebecca, 19.12.2019

There is nothing wrong with having a low libido. Sometimes our sex drive can fluctuate throughout the month, throughout the year, on different medications, with different partners or jobs or workout routines, or really anything. Having a low libido doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you – but if you want to boost your libido for yourself then there are some steps that might help.

1. Get a Medical Checkup

It is important to mention that certain mental or physical issues can get in the way of a high libido. This doesn’t mean that there is necessarily something wrong, it just means that it might be a good idea to make sure everything is working at its best. This is particularly important if your libido suddenly changed and you can’t link it to any other reason (stress, tragedy, etc).

2. Relationship Counselor

If you are having difficulties with your partner and they seem to be dragging into the bedroom (as expected if you’re at high tension), then you can work together with a therapist to try to smooth out some of the bumps. There is no shame is seeking outside help – in fact, sometimes it feels like therapy should just be mandatory for everyone! The world would probably be a better place!

3. Time of Day

Sometimes your libido might fluctuate throughout the day. For example, I am not a morning person (like, don’t touch me). I also know that after I’ve tucked myself into bed at night, it is hard to convince me to do anything else. However, the afternoons are when my libido really kicks in. Inconvenient with work? Absolutely. However, there are plenty of days where we can take advantage of this –holidays, weekends, fake sick days, etc. If you have a certain time of day that your libido increases, try to work with that.

4. Exercise

Did you know that exercise can put you in the mood? Something about all that blood rushing around your body! Not only will exercise make you feel better, but also it will give you more cardio for longer sex sessions AND it will enhance your libido. If you’re worried about being stinky after the gym, then try hopping in the shower together.

5. Try Something New

Of course there is an age-old saying that you need to try something new to avoid getting bored in your relationship. Sometimes that’s not true but sometimes it is! If you’re thinking that boredom might be the reason for your low libido, then try to spice things up. You can purchase a sex toy, spend the night in a hotel room, try a new position, light soothing candles – it’s totally up to you!

6. Communicate

Sometimes a little communication can go a long way. If you think something is stressing you out or you’re feeling disappointed with your partner, there are gentle ways to discuss it. Maybe your partner is putting pressure on you that is making you shut down towards them. Maybe your job is overwhelming but your partner is interpreting it as lack-of-desire. Communicating with your partner is the best way to go. It doesn’t mean it will resolve instantly, it just means that you’ll break some of the tension. If your stress or anxiety is getting in the way, then focus on improving those stressors.

7. Research

Read about low libido and the reasons why it could be affecting you. Emily Nagoski’s book Come As You Are is a great example of how the female mind and body work – with an emphasis on libido and orgasms. It might prove to be useful – maybe you’ll realize something about your own libido and be able to work on something specifically.

8. Do Romantic Things

Having a low libido doesn’t mean that you can’t do other fun, sweet, romantic things! You can spoil your partner (or yourself) in other ways. They don’t have to be sexual, but make sure to keep an intimate and caring relationship between you and your partner or to focus on self-care for yourself (or both).

Remember, it is totally okay to have a low libido, but if you do want to change that then these are some ways that might help you. Focus on your needs and go from there. 

Rebecca Dane

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