How To Have a Jealousy-Free Threesome

Threesomes can be so incredibly fun – in fact, some might say 33% more fun! The truth about threesomes is that they do require a lot of work – and we’re not just talking about having an extra person to please.

We’re talking about the work before you even decide to have a threesome. Inviting someone to join you and your partner can really be a wonderful experience but there are a few considerations before you invite a third person into your home.
 

1. Acknowledge the Consequences

First things first, you need to consider all the bad stuff. We already know that sexual exploration and pleasure has a lot of perks. What we need to consider is what could go wrong in a threesome scenario. Jealousy is a major, major consideration. There is no ‘going back’ after you’ve watched your partner be intimate with someone else. There is no ‘going back’ after your partner has watched you be intimate with someone else. There can be consequences, and you need to really, really think about them and not just push bury them.
 

2. Talk About Why

You need to talk to your partner about why you want to have a threesome. If you’re doing it just to please someone, then you’re doing it for the wrong reasons. You need to discuss if you’re equally comfortable with having a threesome. Are there issues already present in the relationship that this might escalate? Are you trying to spice up a stale romance? Is this your fantasy? It is not worth putting on the act of ‘being okay’ if you’re really not okay with it. Don’t let someone pressure you into a threesome.
 

3. Talk About Logistics

It might seem a bit silly, but there are a lot of different threesome possibilities. Are you inviting a man? A woman? Does it matter? Your threesome fantasy might be entirely different than your partner’s fantasy. If you’re not sure what you like, then consider watching some threesome porn for general ideas (remember porn is not real, but you can get inspired from it).

How are you going to find the invitee – online or in person or someone who is already a friend? Are you picking together or is one person in charge of initiating? Are you going back to your house? Getting a hotel room? Are you meeting them beforehand for coffee or just going straight for it?
 

4. Talk About Boundaries

This is possibly the most important part of the conversation. You absolutely need to discuss your boundaries – what you’re okay with and what you’re definitely not okay with. Is penetration an option? Is anal sex an option? Is switching an option? You need to discuss all of this in serious detail with your partner. Then you need to talk to your invitee about boundaries. You need to express what is okay for you, and then ask what is okay for the third person. You want to make sure that your guest feels comfortable and respected. Any concern that you have should be voiced before anything sexual starts to happen. Yes, this includes a safe sex discussion.
 

5. Talk About Worse-Case Scenarios

What happens if there is an issue? What if you’ve started the threesome and you suddenly feel jealous beyond control? What happens then? You can establish a safe word to indicate to your partner that you need a break or that the situation needs to end. You can also have the invitee pick a safe word as well. It goes without saying that if anyone wants to stop at any moment then it should stop immediately.

You need a pre-plan to help deal with any emotions that may come up.
 

6. Be Safe and Sober

Threesomes might sound like a better idea after having a few drinks, but alcohol also lets our guard down. If you wouldn’t do it sober, then you shouldn’t do it drunk. It might seem like a spontaneously great idea, but if threesomes are even remotely on your mind, then you should still soberly have all of the previously mentioned discussions with your partner. You can always chat about it ‘just in case the opportunity ever comes up’. Last thing you want it a messy, sloppy threesome that you didn’t even really want in the first place – or worse, a threesome that you don’t really remember so you’re not sure what happened between your partner and the third person.

Bring condoms/dental dams and lube with you! Bring more than you would normally need because there are more people involved. Never assume someone is STI-free. Threesomes aren’t exempt from the ‘safe sex’ rules.
 

7. Take Care of Yourself

Spend some time with your partner afterwards discussing what happened and being intimate with them. You can bond over the threesome that just took place and also have some great after-care together.

You also need to make sure that your invitee doesn’t feel totally left out. You can still have your after-care session with your partner, but don’t just race to kick out your guest once everyone is done.

It might seem like a lot of effort just to have a threesome, but I promise you that all of the communication is worth it. If you trust your partner and you know that everyone will respect your boundaries, then you will be set up for success!