Sex after childbirth: the honest guide

In all honesty: in the first period after giving birth, your mind is probably far from focused on acrobatics between the sheets. You’re tired, your body feels different and a little intruder is demanding all your attention. But at some point, that question resurfaces: when are we going at it again? Forget the standard six-weeks-rule, because the manual for sex after childbirth is different for everyone.

Rediscovering your own body

After giving birth, your body has been public property for a while. It has been pulled, pushed, and maybe even stitched up. It’s completely normal that your desire is not at its regular level while you’re still recovering. The biggest mistake you can make, is to think that everything should feel exactly the same as before. Take time to consider your body as your own again. Sometimes, just feeling a non-functional touch is the first step to rediscovering your lust. 

It’s not unusual if penetration simply hurts or feels uncomfortable in the beginning. Your body has performed a huge feat and everything down under is still recovering. If it doesn’t feel good, then don’t push it. Accept that things aren’t cooperating at the moment and just stop. Focus on all the other things that sex without penetration has to offer. Just try again after a few weeks when you feel like it. Taking the pressure off is the only way to eventually rediscover the pleasure.

Using lube is no luxury but necessity

Due to hormonal changes – especially If you’re breastfeeding – things can feel pretty dry on the inside. This has nothing to do with a lack of desire but everything to do with biology. Do yourself a favor and use lube. Waiting for things to ‘work out on their own’ is a recipe for frustration and pain. Just by putting that bottle on your nightstand, you remove the barrier and focus on what feels good, instead of what’s difficult.

Flipping the switch in your head

The hardest part of sex after childbirth is often between your ears (not between your legs). It’s hard to feel sexy when the baby monitor is buzzing next to your bed or when you have stains all over your shirt. The trick is to separate those roles. As soon as the bedroom door closes, you’re not a father or a mother for a while – you’re just each other’s partner again. 

Don’t be surprised if it takes a year before you experience real fireworks again. Just take your time to get there.