Should You Talk to Your Friends About Your Sex Toys?

I used to talk to my best friend about sex with partners all the time, but we never talked about masturbation or sex toys. It was a topic that was totally left out of any conversation – probably because we had both grown up with those topics being completely taboo. The day we actually discussed masturbation (which included bringing up sex toys), we hit a new level of friendship. It felt like a giant relief to be able to discuss this with someone in person who gets it. 

Since then, we’ve had no issues talking about sex toys and I have even gifted her gift certificates to sex shops and recommended toys (which she ended up loving). 

It took me a while to talk about sex toys with my best friend – and it is still not something that I talk about with all of my friends. If you’re not sure whether to bring up the topic or not – I’ve put together a few points to think about why you should bring it up. 

It’s totally up to you, but this should help with your decision about talking to your friends about your sex toys. 

1. Talking About Sex and Masturbation is Important

Being able to openly talk about sex is important for yourself and for your friends. It can be an uncomfortable topic to bring up, but it can really help normalize the topic and reduce stigma around it. A lot of people want to know if what they do is “normal,” and talking about sex can provide a better understanding of the topic, can boost confidence, promote safe sex, and provide some really good sex tips. Talking to your friends about it can also help enhance your comfort with talking to your partner(s) about your desires and dislikes. 

Even if you are totally comfortable with the subject, it might be really important for your friend to talk about it with someone who is open-minded and trustworthy. Once you’ve treaded the waters with some intro topics, you can then discuss sex toys, masturbation, fetishes, etc. Talking about “basic” sex is one thing, but talking about the “more taboo” items can feel like lifting a weight off your shoulders (or your friends’ shoulders).  

2. It Shows You Trust Them

When you talk about a private topic with a friend, it shows that you trust them. Talking about one-night stands is one level of friendship, but talking about personal pleasure or adding sex toys (which often brings the focus to orgasms) is a whole other level – and that’s a good thing.  Of course, you should already trust your friend with that information if you’re going to open up to them – but it can be a great way to show your friend that you care about them and trust them. 

Talking about sex toys can bring you closer – just make sure they are ready to talk about it in detail. You can initially tread lightly and adjust according to their reactions. I have friends that aren’t ready to talk about it yet, but I have made it clear that I am open to discussing it if they need to.  Discussing sex toys in general, rather than your personal use of them, is a great starting point. 

3. Be Careful Talking About Your Partner

As much as it can be beneficial talking about sex, sex toys, and masturbation to your friends, you should still be careful about delving into too many details about your partner. Your partner’s physical information and your partner’s sexual difficulties should be kept confidential (except maybe with your very best friend if you’re trying to solve an issue and need someone to talk to).

You can talk about the fact that you use sex toys with your partner, but going into more details has to be approved by your partner. They might not be comfortable with your friends knowing the intimate details of their sex life – and that is totally fine. You can talk to your friends about sex and sex toys without getting into the nitty-gritty. 

4. Be Ready to be Open-Minded

When discussing sex toys with friends, you might discover that they never use them or you might discover that they are master-level knowledgeable about them. You have to be able to go into the conversation with an open-mind about their level of comfort. If you’re bringing up the topic to brag about something, then it probably is not a great idea. Everyone has different relationships with sex, and everyone is pleasured in different ways, so you should talk to your friends about it when you’re ready to embrace any spectrum of reaction from them. 

5. Sharing Sex Toys

While some people share sex toys amongst friends, you do not have to do this. You don’t even have to show your friends your sex toys. There are articles online that talk about how sharing sex toys is the ultimate level of female-friendship, and that is simply not true. Your friendship does not necessitate sharing sex toys. If your friend asks, then you can tell them you will think about it (and then get back to them with a well-thought out “no”). 

If you do want to share sex toys, read up on how to safely share toys. They need to be made of non-toxic, non-porous material and sterilized properly between uses. Using condoms does not work for all toys – so make sure you do a bit of research beforehand to protect yourself as STIs and other infections can be transmitted via sex toys.  

Have you brought up the topic of sex toys with any of your friends? How did it go? Let us know!