Sex and Parenting: Making Space for you as New Parents
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Sex and Parenting: Making Space for you as New Parents

By Emmeline Peaches, 17.02.2020

So, you’ve become parents (or caregivers). Hooray! 

This is likely a highly exciting part of your life, as you begin to adjust to the fact that you’re helping to care for and shape a new little life as it goes about discovering the world.

But here’s the thing about newborns: They tend to be a bit of a mood-killer.

Sleepless nights, high time demands, emotional rollercoasters; the pitfalls of parenthood do not necessarily facilitate the best environment for lovemaking (or much else, for that matter). But sex is an important part of our health, wellbeing, and bonding. This is true both on an individual and relationship level. 

What, then, can new parents do in order to keep their sex life alive during the adjustment phase of having a new baby? Here are a few of our tips:

#1 Reconsider What Sex Means to You

Sex isn’t just penetration. This is important to realize considering it can take 6-8 weeks to physically be ready for penetrative acts after pregnancy and even longer when it comes to personal comfort and readiness. 

Sex is an act, not an action. It can involve oral participation, outercourse, sex toys, hand-based activities and so much more. When you open up your ideas as to what sex can be then you are suddenly much more available and potentially psychologically ready for it then if you assume that no access to one part of the body means no access at all. 

Be flexible with your love life and allow yourself to enjoy it in a variety of ways. This also helps beat the psychological barrier that might emerge if you halt all activity for a month or more.

#2 Have Sex Anywhere (and Everywhere)

In the home, that is. 

Sex might have previously been something you enjoyed primarily in bed but, chances are, there’s a newborn occupying some of the space now, and ‘bedtime’ has a different meaning. 

So, don’t be afraid to branch out where you might consider having sex.

If your newborn is sleeping upstairs then utilize the front room. 

If you’re in the kitchen and the mood catches you both then carpe diem the shit out of your bake space. 

Sharing a shower to utilize time and room? Jump right in to it – you’re already naked anyway.

This might sound a bit rushed but reframe things a little and it’s actually adding some massive opportunities for spontaneity in your life. And, hey, we all know that being spontaneous is considered great for sex. 

#3 Seize Naptimes

When the cats are away mice will play and when your little one enjoys a little cat nap then you’re the one’s who can squeak in a little playtime. 

A child’s naptime can be a great opportunity to enjoy some rest and relaxation for yourselves, and sex is known for its relaxing comedown after the fact.

In all seriousness, this could be a great time to enjoy a longer and more intimate session with each other, especially if your baby naps for longer periods (or is a light-sleeper, meaning you need to be quiet). 

Keep the mood more silent and sweet and see just what naptimes can offer you as parents in addition to giving your baby a much-needed rest. 

#4 Don’t Worry About the Baby Being Present

It sounds weird but, honestly, your baby doesn’t know what you’re up to and, if you’re the type of parent that likes keeping your newborn in sight at all times, then you might want to adjust with sex while having them in the room.

Now, we’re not advocating for a captive audience here, but if naptime has permitted and you want to keep your child close then there’s nothing wrong with this. In fact, a lot of parents have reported having sex while their baby was in the room. 

There’s a lot of things new parents might have to adjust to. This is one of them.

#5 Invest in a Baby Sitter

As we’ve said, your love life matters, and it’s worth an investment for a babysitter at times. 

More than this, however, your time together matters and the value of your relationship is definitely worth the small cost of getting in extra child help (or bugging relatives) for an evening or two. 

Not only will this allow you time for sex but also time to reconnect, unwind, and generally decompress from having a newborn in your life. This, in turn, will make you better parents (and partners) in the long run, making it one of the best early investments you can make in your parental lives. 

In Summary

The excitement of having a child can often overshadow the excitement of your ongoing relationship or even sex, but it’s important that you try not to let it do so. 

Embrace opportunities to have sex, get creative, and allow yourselves time together. You’re doing something amazing as new parents but you’re also individuals and a couple and those things are also worthy of your attention and care.

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