Masturbation: How to be Comfortable With Self-Love
Sex tips

Masturbation: How to be Comfortable With Self-Love

By Emmeline Peaches, 10.02.2021

What do you think of when you hear the term ‘self-love’?

A cup of tea?

A little longer in bed?

Perhaps a nice shower or a spot of exercise?

All of these (and more) are valid form of self-love but so, too, is the sometimes avoided M-Word.

That’s right – we’re talking masturbation. 

Masturbation in a Nutshell

Masturbation is the sexual stimulation of your own erogenous zones for the purpose of achieving pleasure. For most individuals, this will start with the use of hands or everyday items. However, nowadays there are many different devices that can aid with masturbation, such as masturbation sleeves, vibrators, dildos, and lubricants. 

Masturbation can be purely external, but it doesn’t have to be, and penetration can play a large part for some individuals.

It’s also something that has been documented for as long as mankind has existed, yet it has been historically treated with shame and secrecy. The 18th century, in particular, took a criminal approach to certain sexual acts, with masturbation being one of them, and rebellion against this approach rippled through 19th and 20th century culture, such as art and literature. 

Still, stigma persisted, to the point where, in the 19th century, individuals such as John Harvey Kellogg were manufacturing ‘bland’ foods to try and lessen people’s passion – we now enjoy Kellogg’s cereal because of this war on masturbation.

Nowadays, masturbation is seen as a healthy part of a person’s sex life, but old shames are sometimes hard to shake. 

That is something this article is hoping to help break. 

Masturbation is Great (and here’s why)

Did you know that, contrary to myths, masturbation increases desire, arousal, and overall sexual function in individuals? It can also help heighten sensitivity prior to a sex, if desired. 

It is also known to help relieve sex, boost sexual confidence, improve sleep quality, relieve cramps, and help improve sexual confidence and exploration. 

Mutual masturbation is also a viable opportunity for couples, but it’s much harder if you haven’t got to know your preferences and dislikes first through your own self-experimentation. 

So, now that you know the benefits of masturbation, what’s the best way for complete beginners to ease into the process of self-love? 

Here are a few suggestions to help you go from tentative curiosity to a fully confident explorer.

#1 Drop the Expectation of a Climax

This one might be counterintuitive at first but, as we all know, pressure and expectation tends to kill the mood, even when doing things solo. 

Instead of trying to masturbate with the outcome of an orgasm, set yourself the goal of trying to seek pleasure and discover where it will take you.

By relieving yourself of undue performance stress, you will be completely free to find out about yourself, as opposed to telling yourself how you should be. This is the first step to allowing for comfortable and confident masturbation. 

#2 Find a Setting that Works

Some people like natural light, others prefer complete darkness. Some like the bedroom, others the sofa. 

When starting out with masturbation, it’s important to find the space and conditions that you are most comfortable with. Removing any external distractions will allow you to focus on yourself and feel more at ease with your situation. 

If the setting is right then you’ll be much more likely to feel confident in your actions too. 

#3 Use Your Tools Before Trying Add-Ons

Sex toys are fun, but they work best when they’re used to amplify or complement motions or sensations that you already know you like. It’s a much better idea to learn the type of feeling you appreciate before trying to buy a product to replicate or amplify that feeling, otherwise you could end up with an inappropriate product and a disappointing experience. No one deserves a knock to their confidence when they’re trying to build it up, so avoid setting yourself up for a fall and enjoy the tools you have to hand (possibly literally).

#4 Have Some Mantras to Mind…

For if those thoughts of guilt of shame come to mind. 

If you’ve never masturbated much before, it’s entirely possible that you could experience some negative self-talk in your head. Make sure you’ve picked and practiced some short phrases which you can use in the moment to catch and counter those thoughts. This won’t just help with the physical elements of self-love but also the mental ones too. Any affirming mantras spoken to yourself will have a positive impact, not just with sex but with other aspects of your life too. 

#5 Relax

Easier said than done, right? But this is important. 

If you know that there’s something you can use to relax prior to masturbation then do so. Calming music, chamomile tea, or a soothing bath or massage are all really useful relaxation tools, but you’ll know what works best for you. 

If you can relax before masturbating then you’ll ease up your body and increase your chances of having a pleasant self-love session. 

Who know, in time, masturbation may become one of your relaxation techniques. But, for now, we hope these tips will help you to experiment and boost your confidence in getting to know your body more on your terms. 

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