Questions to consider before starting an open relationship

Are you curious about how it would be to fool around with other hotties next to your regular lover? And does the attitude of your lover tell you that they are open to this too? Before you really start calling it an ‘open relationship’, it’s important to consider the following points first!

Are you looking for filling or adding?

The first question to ask yourself is where your desires come from. How come you are interested in drawing other people’s attention? If you are missing something in your current relationship, this does not mean to say that an open relationship can fill that void. It’s crucial that an open relationship adds something extra to your relationship: It should be an addition, not a filler! 

Are you easily jealous?

No matter what, mutual trust in your relationship is an absolute must! As well as clear and honest communication. If these ingredients are missing, there’s a lot of work to be done still! When you’re a truly happy couple and are both ready for more sexual freedom, ask yourself whether you want to share your partner. Because of course you’re not the only one who gets a free pass. When you’re jealous by nature, an open relationship is not really for you. Because that green monster will surely come haunt you when your partner’s spending time with someone else…

What are your boundaries?

Every couple has a different definition for ‘open’. Before you start sparring about this, it’s important to think about your own definition of an open relationship. What are your boundaries? Can your lover only enter into physical relationships with other people, or are you okay with your partner opening their heart to them too? Do you want to hear all the details about their escapades or is it enough for you just to know where they are? Decide for yourself to what extent you are willing to offer freedom, but also consider which freedoms you desire for yourself.

When you’ve answered all these questions and are still convinced that you can both handle this next step in your relationship … it’s time to make clear agreements, be honest with each other and talk about it! Discuss the dangers of an open relationship together and set clear boundaries. Take baby steps and keep reflecting on your feelings and share them with your partner. If you do feel hurt after all, don’t stick to your new rules just to please them, but listen to your heart, and more importantly: follow it!