Consensual Non-Consent in BDSM

It may sound strange, but fantasizing about rape is a lot more common than you might think. The idea behind such a fantasy is that you are so wanted that someone would do anything to take you. For most people who fantasize about this, it is not something they would actually carry out in real life. Fortunately, because sex without consent doesn’t exist. In that case, it’s called rape, which we absolutely don’t want to encourage. But there are ways to further explore these kinds of fantasies, without crossing anyone’s boundaries.

Wat is Consensual Non-Consent (CNC)?

Consensual non-consent is a term used to describe a situation where there is a mutual agreement to simulate a ‘non-consensual’ situation, such as rape, assault or kidnapping, also referred to as CNC.

Rape play

A lot of people are interested in ‘rape fantasies’ or rape play, which means that you enter into a kind of role-play where one person plays the role of rapist while the other plays the victim. Rape play is an aspect of CNC. As you can imagine, it’s very important to do this with someone you trust. If you make good agreements beforehand, rape play can be very exciting and arousing. 

CNC as fantasy

In many cases, CNC remains fantasy. It’s only a thrilling idea that people think about during masturbation. There are also various porno videos showing BDSM-play with CNC. It’s important to understand that you can have these fantasies without really wanting to carry them out.

First time CNC

If you choose to let CNC be more than just fantasy and bring it into actual practice, it’s important to set rules in advance. In the heat of the moment, you might be inclined to agree to things you’re not really up for. So, it’s good to formulate rules when you are both sober and not intoxicated by horniness. CNC should be considered as a form of role-play, where both the submissive person and the dominant person pretend to be someone else. During play it’s possible that the submissive person calls out “no” or “stop”, as part of the play, and this is often experienced as arousing by both parties. 

Safeword

Normally, “stop” or “no” would indicate that you want your partner to stop during sexual activities. Obviously, with CNC it’s best to choose another safeword. In BDSM you always have the option to stop and the dominant person keeps communicating with the submissive person to safeguard the sub’s boundaries. By agreeing on a safeword, the submissive person always has the power to pause or stop the play. 

Clear rules

To play safely together, and to make sure you treat each other with respect, it’s very important to make clear what you do and don’t want and what your boundaries are. Agree which actions are an option and which props may be used. Topics that you can discuss in advance are, for example:

• (anal) penetration
• Bondage
• Cumming on or in the body
• Verbal humiliation
• Spanking

CNC scenes

Everyone has different fantasies, so you have to decide together how you want to organize your role play. A few popular examples are:

• Dressing up as attacker and ‘kidnapping’ the other person
• Use of rope to tie up the submissive person and play with breath control during sexual activity
• Having sex while one is asleep, unconscious or playing a role

Consent is essential 

Even if you’re playing with no consent, it’s very important to make sure that you’re not crossing anyone’s boundaries. The above-mentioned scenarios can only be carried out if you are both up for it. Do not try to persuade or force anyone, but discuss together how such a situation could be exciting and arousing for both parties. Keep in mind that someone can also change their mind. If you agreed last weekend that one can fuck the other awake, this doesn’t mean that they are also up for it tonight. For a pleasant CNC experience, maintaining good communication with each other is crucial.