Beginner’s guide: from vanilla to light BDSM

Or: how to make your sex life a little more exciting, without going full swing Christian Grey.

What is ‘vanilla’ and why do people find it quite boring?

‘Vanilla’ sounds sweet, but in bed it’s actually: sex without fuss. Nothing wrong with that. But sometimes you want more. More excitement. More naughtiness. A little teasing. A little power play. Not because you’re ‘weird’, but because fantasizing, experimenting and exploring boundaries are actually very normal (and fun too).

Enter: light BDSM. A soft entry into the world of bondage, discipline, dominance and submission – but without needing a secret room with whips and masks. Think: blindfolds, silk scarves, naughty assignments and a bit of power play. Yes please.

How do you start?

1. Talk first, act later.
   Yes, that seems very boring but communication is key. Discuss with your partner what seems exciting to you, what you absolutely don’t want and what you are curious about. Ask questions like:
   – “Would you like it if I tied you up?”
   – “What do you think of the idea that I am in control for a while?”
   – “Do you have fantasies you’ve never shared before?”

2. Start small. Really small.
   A silk scarf around the wrists. A blindfold of an old T-shirt. A tap on the ass. Whispering commands. Nothing has to be painful, it can all be playful.

3. Use a ‘safe word’.
   Yes, even with light BDSM. Choose a word that has nothing to do with sex (like pineapple or fridge) so that it’s clear immediately: stop, now. And take that seriously.

4. Check in, always.
   During and after the action: questions like “Are you okay?” or “Do you want to continue?” are not a mood killer, but rather sexy caring.
   

Ideas for a playful start

• Blindfold + voice: Make your partner lie down and whisper what you’re going to do … without doing it right away. Hello anticipation.
  
• Seduction game: you are the boss – your partner isn’t allowed to touch anything without your permission.
  
• Senses at play: ice cubes, feathers, massage oil, a leather belt (for sound, not necessarily for hitting). Experiment with feeling.
  
• Dominance light: use commands in a soft tone: “Get on your knees.” “Keep your hands above your head.” “Ask nicely.”

Nobody is an expert

Nobody rolls into the bedroom a kinky queen. It’s okay to laugh, to feel awkward, to say half-way: um, let’s just cuddle. BDSM isn’t about ‘how far you go, but about trust, fantasy and fun.

You don’t have to have a whip, leather catsuit or basement full of toys to make your sex life more exciting. Light BDSM is for curious souls who dare to play, talk and feel. But gently, or maybe not so gently.