What a Man: part 1

It was a Saturday afternoon. Claire entered the bus. It was completely packed, but one seat had recently gotten unoccupied. She didn’t feel like standing during the long ride that was ahead of her. She was determined to sit down and dashed towards it. The man on the neighbouring seat had seen her aiming at the place and ensured no one else would beat her to it. From behind, a loud man with a beer can in his hand had set his eyes on the seat as well. The decision was easy. 

     “Thank you for keeping the seat,” Claire said as she sat down.

     “No worries. It’s a pleasure.”

     The man with the beer murmured something and annoyed leaned himself against the railing instead. Neither Claire nor the handsome man next to her felt guilty. It was their joint victory. They both smiled.     

     Claire got out her book. She was reading 1984 from George Orwell. She had never read it and felt it was about time. 

     “What a coincidence! I am reading that too!”

     “You never read it?”

     “I am rereading it. Chilling, isn’t it?”

     “Wow. Yeah, indeed.”

     Claire never actually opened her book during the bus ride, as they had lost themselves in a never-ending chain of topics originating at the book. It was one of these moments, in which Claire felt she had some much to share with this person, she might need a lifetime. 

     “I’m Ryan,” he said. 

     “Claire.”

     “Truly a pleasure.”

     There was something about Ryan that seemed different. Claire couldn’t really pinpoint what it was. However, it was pleasing and created an instant connection between them. This connection was accompanied by the deep urge to get to know him better and the share more of herself. It was obvious he felt the same. 

     Claire peeked out of the window, “I need to get off at the next stop. Would you mind me giving you my number?”

     “Obviously not,” he laughed and immediately got out his phone. 

     In the days that followed, Claire couldn’t get Ryan out of her head. All she wanted was to continue to talk to him. There was an intense attraction to his mind, but she would be lying if she didn’t acknowledge his handsome appearance. He had dark, short-trimmed hair and a light beard. However, it was mostly his incredible kind blue eyes that warmed one’s soul. Finally, she received a message from him. 

     Hi Claire! Sorry for reaching out only now. I’ve been incredibly busy. How about a picknick in the park soon? We can continue where we left off. Ryan. 

     The way she felt when she got the message signalled to her that she was likely interested in being more than just friends. Additionally, she felt the need to share the sensation with her best friend, Francisca. They tended to share all the details of their lives and asked for advice when needed. 

     Two days later Ryan and Claire met. It was a sunny day, and Ryan was already at the park with a blanket and a basket full of delicious food. He greeted her with a hug that made it feel as if they were already friends. She felt immediately at ease. Instantly, the conversation took off again, and it felt natural. Without putting pressure on it, they got to know little parts about each other’s lives in between the more general topics of the conversation. 

     “Claire, I need to ask you something. It might seem a bit odd.”

     “Okay, sure.”

     “I don’t want to make any assumptions, but do you consider this to be a date?”

     The question was indeed odd to Claire and got her slightly nervous. Suddenly, she felt as if it was a trick question, but she was forced to be honest with herself. She wanted it to be a date. 

     “Yes, I guess so. I just know I really enjoy talking to you.”

     Ryan took a deep breath, “there is something you need to know. I always want to be honest up front, so people are aware of what they are getting themselves into. I think it is only fair.”

     Now Claire got very nervous. Was this too perfect to be true? She remained silent. 

     “Feel free to react in a way that feels natural to you,” he said, “I was born as a woman.”

     Claire hadn’t seen this coming. Even when he said it, she couldn’t believe it. Many questions started running through her head at the same time. About him, about herself. Everything had gotten serious so sudden. She needed a moment to breathe. She was unable to figure out if she should feel bad about it. She failed to comprehend what this entailed precisely. 

     “Listen, Claire. I prefer you to find out now than later. I understand it might be a bit of a confusing thought at the beginning, but it doesn’t have to change anything. If you just want to be friends, I understand as well. Feel free to ask me anything.”

     Claire felt ashamed. There was one question that was profoundly more present than any other; Does he have a penis? She was unable to silent her mind. 

     “I know what you are thinking, and it is fine. No, I don’t have a penis. I am testosterone, and I have had top surgery. But I have decided that’s enough. Bottom surgery is complicated, and I feel fine now.”

     Claire looked at the birds picking in the grass. She wished someone had prepared her for this scenario. After a while, she realised she couldn’t feel bad about it. She decided to go with it. 

     “Do you mind telling more about it?” She asked calmly. 

     The rest of the afternoon Ryan shared his transition story with her, and instead of pushing her away she felt very close to him. There would be no secrets between them. 

     After the date, Claire needed to call Francesca.

“You always said there is too much focus on the penis. I think this could be really good. This is perfect, Claire! Will you ever find a man that understands a woman as much as he does?” Francisca gushed on the other end of the line.

     Francisca always managed to find a positive twist in any situation. And she was usually right. Maybe this turn out to be amazing. There was nothing to lose, only to gain. With that thought in mind, Claire asked for another date with Ryan. And for two more after that. Occasionally, she would forget about the anomaly, and when she did think about it, she was intrigued. Ryan had kissed her but had not made any further advances, and it was clear he wanted to give her all the time she needed. Soon she didn’t mind it; all she wanted was to be close to him. On the fifth date she had invited him to her apartment.

    They had lost themselves in another deep conversation, and Ryan didn’t assume anything was going to happen that night. However, the moment Claire kissed him, he could feel there were no inhibitions. She was full of passion and desire. She started unbuttoning his blouse. 

     “Claire, are you sure?”

     “I’m very sure,” she said with a glowing smile. 

    She continued by taking off his shirt and glanced at his chest, which was remarkedly manly. There were no hints of female curves left. She let her fingers glide over the scares on his chest and kissed them. She made him feel as safe as he did her. He focused the attention on her, undressing her, caressing her. His touch was sensual and aroused every part of her body and mind, but he took his time. He worked his way around her whole body, giving every segment the attention of his lips and hands. Slowly, his hands were getting closer and closer to her crotch. She was insanely wet. 

     “Do you want to continue?” He kindly inquired. 

     “Yes! It’s all I want. I want you. Completely.”

     With those words, he gently started stroking the fabric of Claire’s underwear, subsequently feeling how excited she was to be touched by him. He sensually removed the piece of fabric between his hand and her flesh. Shamelessly, she exhibited her body to him. Unabashedly, he examined it. He continued his magic, conscious about her movements and sounds, finding the right spot, touch and rhythm with efficiency.

     “Ryan, it feels amazing.”

     His hand was exploring every fold in between her legs, while his tongue made its way down. Claire was at ease, and she did not signal him to stop. The way he proceeded licking her was skilful, he knew exactly was he was doing. Francisca had been absolutely right. 

     “I want to touch you too,” Claire moaned. “Can I?”

     Ryan took her hand and steered to towards his crotch. For a slight moment, it felt odd, unexpected. She could feel his large clitoris underneath the boxer. She knew this enlargement was due to the testosterone. She looked into his eyes. What a man. 

To be continued…