Everything you should know about non–monogamous relationships: is it for you?

Monogamy may be the norm, but more and more people go for something exciting: non-monogamy. Sound challenging? Whether it’s familiar or new to you, the idea is simple: you don’t have to focus your romantic and sexual energy on one person. But how does this work in practice, and are you and your partner ready for it?

What is a non-monogamous relationship?

A non-monogamous relationship simply means that you and your partner choose to share romantic or sexual experiences with other people. There are different ways of doing this, depending on what you both like. The crux? Openness and honesty! So this is not an excuse to cheat; clear agreements and respecting each other’s boundaries are key here.

The different forms

There are several ways to shape a non-monogamous relationship. Here are a few of the most common ones:

• Open relationships: this means that you have a steady partner, but that you both have the freedom to have sex with other people too. The emphasis lies mainly on sexual freedom here, not on romantic involvement.

• Polyamorous relationships: this goes a step further. Polyamory means that you have multiple romantic relationships at the same time, with the full knowledge and consent of everyone involved. So, next to the sexual aspect, love is also involved here.

• Swinging: swinging couples have sex with other couples or individuals, often in a joint setting. The emotional connection remains with your own partner, but the sexual thrill is shared.

Why go for a non-monogamous relationship?

Non-monogamous relationships can be surprisingly liberating for all those open to new experiences. Here are a few reasons why you might want to go down this exciting road:

• More freedom: in a non-monogamous relationship, you have the space to discover new things and embark on exciting adventures, without the pressure of complete exclusivity. The idea that you don’t have to limit yourself to one partner can bring a sense of relief and pleasure.

• Better communication: communication is essential in non-monogamous relationships. By talking openly and honestly about your feelings and desires, you strengthen the bond with your partner. It forces you to delve deeper into each other’s emotions, which often makes the relationship closer.

• Variety: non-monogamy can give your relationship a fresh boost. It offers the chance to gain new experiences and revitalize your sexual life, while keeping your primary relationship intact. It can be a great way to keeping the spark alive!

The challenges of non-monogamy

While non-monogamy offers many exciting possibilities, there are also challenges that you shouldn’t ignore.

• Jealousy: this is often the biggest pitfall. Seeing your partner flirt or spending time with someone else can trigger all kinds of emotions. Which is completely normal, by the way! The main thing is that you recognize these feelings and discuss them before they build up and cause problems.

• Time management: maintaining multiple relationships isn’t always easy. You have to fit all those fun dates and deep conversations into your busy schedule, which can be stressful sometimes. Balance, understanding and good planning are essential to keep things workable.

• Falling in love with someone else: this can be very confusing, even if you thought you could handle it just fine. What now? Make time for honest communication! Discuss together how these new feelings fit into your relationship and re-establish boundaries that everyone feels comfortable with. Non-monogamy is a constant search for what works, but if you keep talking and remain flexible, things usually work out.

Is non-monogamy for you?

Non-monogamy is not for everyone, and that’s okay! If you are curious about it, it’s important to take an honest look at yourself and your partner first. What do you want to get out of the relationship? Can you communicate openly and honestly, even about difficult emotions like jealousy or insecurity?

A good way to start is to start a conversation about it without immediately taking any concrete steps. Talk about your curiosity and what you would like to explore. If you decide to give it a shot, make sure to set clear boundaries and regularly check in on how you’re both doing and feeling.