How facesitting works and why women love it

Some positions you use because they work. And then there are positions that do something extra, with your body and mind. Facesitting falls into that second category. It’s direct, it’s intense and it gives you something that standard oral sex rarely offers: Complete control over what happens. No hints. No adjustments. You are literally sitting on his face and he just has to figure out the rest. Good luck, baby.

What is it exactly

Facesitting is exactly what it sounds like. You sit on his face; he uses his mouth and tongue and you determine the rest. The rhythm, the pressure, the angle, and how long it lasts. No clumsy head movements going just the wrong way. No moment where he stops while you want him to continue. No “is this okay?” from below, because he can barely speak anyway. You steer, he follows. Finally.

There are different ways to go about it. Facing him, where you look at his face. Or facing away, sitting with your back to him and him working from behind. Both variations have a very different dynamic. Facing him is more intimate; there is eye contact, and you can see exactly what you do to him. Facing away feels more raw, anonymous, and for many women surprisingly intense. As if you forget that there’s someone underneath you. In the best way.

Why it feels so different

With standard oral sex you’re lying down. He moves, he determines the angle, he chooses the pace. Sometimes he gets it right. Sometimes he moves just a millimeter in the wrong direction and you think: come ON, stay there for a bit, what are you doing? But you don’t say anything because you don’t want to seem fussy. Recognize that? Facesitting solves that problem. You move. You position yourself exactly how it feels best. You know where your clit is, he gets to learn from you. 

Many women who try facesitting, describe it as the first time that oral sex actually did what they always hoped it would. Not because he suddenly became another person, but because you are finally steering the wheel.

The psychology behind it

In everyday life, you might be the one who organizes, plans, adapts, remembers the grocery list and checks considerately whether something is okay. In bed, things can be different sometimes. Facesitting gives you permission to just take what you want. He lies there. He can’t go anywhere. His breath follows your pace. And honestly, he doesn’t want to go anywhere, as this isn’t exactly punishment for him either.

The feeling that he is completely available for your pleasure and can’t think of anything else, does something with your arousal that is hard to describe but easy to feel. Try explaining it to someone who hasn’t done it. You can’t. All you can say is: just try it.

How to approach it

Start gently. Kneel over his face, instead of lowering your full weight onto him as if you were sitting on a stool. That way you have control over the pressure and can easily adjust. Use your knees for support and move slowly until you feel what works. A moan, a hand in his hair, your hips indicating a direction. He notices that and adapts. And if he doesn’t quite get it right for a moment, just move yourself. That’s the whole idea anyway.

A pillow under his head helps create the right angle. Small effort, big difference. And don’t be afraid to move. Facesitting actually works because you are active rather than sitting still waiting for something to happen.

For anyone who hasn’t tried it yet

If you enjoy oral sex but sometimes feel that it’s not exactly hitting the spot, facesitting is worth a try. It takes a bit of courage the first time, because putting yourself in the center like that can feel unfamiliar. What if he doesn’t like it? What if I’m too heavy? What if I don’t know what I’m doing?

He likes it. You’re not too heavy. And what you do, is easy: you move until it feels good. The bar isn’t set high here. Actually lower than ever, because he’s already lying on his back. And who knows, you might discover that this is exactly the position you’ve been missing all along. And he probably already knew it, by the way.