How To Discuss Sex Openly With Your Partner/s

Sex. We all do it…well, most of us (shoutout to all the rad asexuals and self-decided celibates out there). Sex is primal – it’s instinct – and yet, for some, sex is one of the most difficult things to talk about. 

A combination of different factors can make sex a hard thing to discuss. For some it’s culture; sex just isn’t something that is spoken about and so it becomes difficult to be open about the topic (think the Brits). For others it may be background, religion, upbringing, or even (unfortunate as it is to say) sexual trauma. 

Some people just don’t like to talk about sex either. For some reason, talking about sex just doesn’t feel…comfortable. 

But research shows that it pays to be open and honest about sex. In one study, this was particularly important among women, in another it was most important for men. In all such studies the consensus is that greater communication increases the frequency, quality, and significance of sexual encounters. 

Okay, so talking about sex is great….but how do you get to that point where you’re able to do so? 

Here are a few suggestions for you…

Talk about sex without using the ‘S’ word

If sex is an uncomfortable topic to you then it doesn’t have to be the topic. There are many different ways to talk about sex without ever once mentioning the actual word. Questions like:

How do you like to be touched?

What kind of positions are you a fan of?

Do you like to feel assertive or surrender?

None of these questions ever need mention the word ‘Sex’ and yet all of them speak of deeply intimate actions and allow you to discover each other in quite an intense way. 

Play this conversation right and it also becomes an erotic game, where you verbally tease each other. 

Give it a try. 

Make it physical, as well as verbal

What better way to communicate about sex than during sex?

Try letting your partner know what you like while having sex. Shout out approval when you approve and if something feels really damned good then say so.

If you’ve never been one to talk during the act before then this will seem strange at first, but the difference in communication may actually heighten the mood (and perhaps even tip your partner over the edge).

Not one to speak? You can communicate nonverbally too. Moans, strokes, grabs, grasps, and even little angling or arching motions are all forms of sexual communication. If you’re tactile then these may even come more naturally to you and say more than words ever could. 

Bring in some porn

Okay, we’re biased here, but we feel like porn is a great way to open up sexual communication. 

Just choosing to watch porn together is a conversation it itself – what to pick, your preferences, their preferences, and how you may like different things at different times. 

Then, much like watching a good show or movie, you can talk to each other about the things you really appreciate or the things that really don’t do it for you. 

By viewing sex like this you basically allow it to become a bouncing off point for communication about your own preferences and approaches. 

And, if nothing else, at least you get to enjoy a good viewing experience.

Bring the humour too…

Talking about sex really can be awkward. Chances are, you’re not going to get everything right…but that’s fine. 

Sex shouldn’t be serious – it’s action devoid of judgement. Impulse free from insecurity. 

In life it pays to be able to laugh at yourself and, when it comes to talking about sex, this is even more the case. 

Approach any sexual conversation in a playful way. Don’t take things to heart and adopt the persona of a sex-communicating superstar.

If everything starts to feel a little goofy, acknowledge it and laugh alongside your partner. Chances are you might both be feeling a little bit nervous. This is because communicating sex is a skill and, as with all skills, you’re going to be a bit clumsy with it to start with. 

Be kind to each other and to yourself and, over time, talking to your partner about sex will feel like any other conversation, except with incredibly gratifying outcomes. 

Just start…

They say that thinking about doing something is always harder than doing it. 

We hope that in this article we have been able to give you some good tactics to talk about sex (alongside some tips on how to approach the topic). 

Take what you’ve learned and apply it in a way that works for you. If you can have sex then you can talk about it…even if it takes a little bit of time to get into the rhythm of things.