How Your Horoscopes Affect Your Sex Life (Answer: They Don’t…Unless You Want Them Too)
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How Your Horoscopes Affect Your Sex Life (Answer: They Don’t…Unless You Want Them Too)

By Emmeline Peaches, 17.08.2020

Horoscopes are a good bit of fun. Surmised in ancient history by the Babylonians (and many other cultures), humans have been practicing the alignment of temperament, personality, and future prospects for thousands of years. 

But what can your horoscopes tell you about yourself? 

Not much to be honest. 

The Truth About Horoscopes 

Astrology in all its forms has long been debunked by the scientific community as having no explanatory relevance nor power over a person’s life, the universe, nor anything else. As one critic said “The planets just aren’t that into you” and, if used with false belief, astrology and horoscopes can even be put to dangerous uses in society. 

True belief in astrology, after all, is often targeted to a female demographic (thus using sexism to pray on genders and reinforce a societal divide) while also acting to reinforce a certain degree of fatalism. Or, to quote Carl Sagan “[astrology] seems to lend a cosmic significance to the routine of our daily lives. It pretends to satisfy our longing to feel personally connected with the Universe. [By this logic] If our lives are controlled by a set of traffic signals in the sky, why try to change anything?”

Where Horoscopes Can Have An Impact

Yes, horoscopes are scientifically defined as “bullshit” and can be troubling if taken seriously, but what about if you take a more playful approach to the daily horoscopes? 

Knowing that horoscopes aren’t to be taken seriously allows you to pick and choose the best elements of them and, essentially, use them as a big cultural game in order to find different ways to be creative. 

Each horoscope, for example, is said to have different sexual strengths and weaknesses, none of which truly pertain to the individuals they describe. However, as such there’s a good chance that some of the sexual suggestions offered by horoscopes are one’s that you don’t yet engage with, and might want to give a try. 

Consider it as a type of dice or card rolling game for sex, except instead of needing props all you need is a good internet connection, and to Google “[Horoscope] Sex/Sexual Postion/Etc.” and see what shows up. 

For a bit of fun, and to show you just how enjoyable a tool in sexual exploration this can be, allow us to kickstart you with a few general assumptions made for each of the western astrological signs. 

Aries

Aries are the type of individuals that (supposedly) charge in to situations with passion and force. Because of this, they’re not best known for foreplay but will often be able to ram a lot in to a single sex session. 

Spontaneous and improvised sexual encounters are the strength of the Aries. Head and hair grabbing typically appeals to the Aries, though they could do with improving their patience and gentle finesse when it comes to lovemaking. 

Taurus

Taurus is rules by Venus (again, supposedly) and so these individuals are all about sensuality, the engagement of the senses, and long, pampering lovemaking sessions. We’re talking bubble baths, aromatic oils, deep massages and well-considered nights of high-stamina romance. 

Taurus struggle to be spontaneous because they love to savour sex and plan all of the luxurious elements of it, right down to the type of scented candle to use. 

Feel free to indulge in this, but if you are a Taurus you can either relish the pampering side of yourself or opt to challenge yourself to a more spontaneous type of lovemaking. 

Gemini

Gemini are all about dynamism, oral activities, and the exchange of action between two individuals (or more). As the twin sign, they thrive on any form of sex that involve an active conversation and love to talk dirty in the bedroom. They are also the master of merged, double, or even triple orgasms. 

Gemini struggle with silent and more muted forms of sex, and prefer equal division of oral exchanges rather than a solo affair. If you want to throw a Gemini off balance then treat them and don’t allow any additional touches. If you want to play to their strengths…well…we hope your house has good soundproofing. 

Cancer

Cancer is the crab sign and a crab doesn’t open itself up from its hardened exterior unless it truly trusts in its circumstances. As such, Cancer signs are some of the most loving, trusting, and sensitive lovers out there. 

A Cancer sign can be a tender lover but their caring nature also opens up perfectly for BDSM situations, and you’ll never have a more considerate Dom than a Cancer, nor a more dutiful Sub. 

Challenge the Cancer sign by prompting them to initiate sex – their closed and timid nature means this doesn’t come easy, and so an element of risk and excitement will be involved, as well as nerves. 

Leo 

Proud lovemakers, Leos tend to prefer power play and dynamics where they can take regal and commanding charge of the situation. Having said that, a Leos secret isn’t that, deep down, they want you to show how desirable you make them feel rather than innately assuming that they are desirable. Adore and pamper a Leo and they will dominate you voraciously in kind. In a good way…of course. 

Virgo

To adopt the Virgo sign in your sexual games is an interesting one. They are conventionally the virgin sign and, as such have a sense of innocence to them. Channel this innocence as a young lover might, however, and embody the Virgo’s stereotype of being fixated and fascinated with sex. Virgos embrace humour and playfulness too, so don’t be afraid to laugh your way through love. After all, you’re playing with the horoscopes here – one of the most culturally prevalent pieces of pseudoscience still in use – it pays to have some humour at the absurdity of it all. 

Libra

Libra is all about balance – the scales and striving for harmonious union. A Libra might be a conventional lover or an artistic one at heart. They value unison in all things and match penetration (or other acts) with lighter moments that could be considered flirting or foreplay. 

Throw a Libra off by being assertive (or passive). Work to their strengths by making an art of your evening together. 

Scorpio

Ah, Scorpio – literally the sex sign. Based on a creature that literally pierces the flesh of others, Scorpios are water signs with a reputation for being mysterious, insatiable, and masters of seduction. Sexual roleplay is a good bet with a Scorpio, as it plays towards their seductive nature and playfulness, as is power play of any kind. Scorpio is all about fearlessness and they’re likely to delve in to impact play, pain play, and many other ‘hardcore’ situations. 

Challenge a Scorpio by daring them to go gentle and watching them squirm. Deep down they’ll be loving it. 

Sagittarius

Archers by nature, Sagittarius is a sign rules by nature, exploration, and wanderlust. Sex isn’t just about the physical for these individuals, but for an exchange of intellect and philosophical musings. The sex may vary, but conversations about sex are almost always to be expected (and to yield deep insights). Communication is at the heart of this sign, as they love to pinpoint things. Challenge a Sagittarius sexually by gagging them, blindfolding them, or both. 

Capricorn

Determination and dedication are qualities of a Capricorn, as these individuals are (in astronomy) ruled by Saturn and Father Time. As such, relationships might seem to move slower with a Capricorn. But, similarly, the sex can last for a gratifying time too. 

Challenge a Capricorn’s seeming detachment and lengthy nature by being spontaneous or swift in your actions. At first they’ll need to process being thrown off but, as we’ve said, they’re also dedicated to their endeavours. 

Aquarius

You’d think this sign would be water based (Aqua…Aqua-rius) but, no, it’s air based, just to show how barmy horoscopes can be. Still, as an air type the Aquarius is all about sexual creativity, non-conventional lovemaking, and sex gadgets. Impress an Aquarius by offering to try more sex toys in the bedroom. You might both learn something new why delving in to the ever-progressing world of sex toys. 

Pisces

Ah, now here is the water based horoscope and, in addition to this, ancient horoscope beliefs (or something) suggest that each sign learns something from the ones that came before it. Pisces, being the last in line, has benefits from every other element and so their knowledge of sex and love is as deep as an ocean. Deep penetration and deep throating also play in to this horoscope, as does water play and anything to do with oils or lubrication. 

Is that true? 

Who knows! Certainly, we could have made all of this up. However, the point of this article isn’t to tell you how you must have sex depending on your date of birth and some mumbo-jumbo start stuff; It’s about giving you prompts for play based on common archetypes. 

So, whether you’re a Pisces or not, we invite you to dive in to what the horoscopes have to offer you, as long as you keep it light-hearted in nature.

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