Bad sex in a relationship: what to do?

Sex plays an important role in many relationships. It can’t just provide physical pleasure, but also be a way to feel emotionally connected to your partner. But sometimes, even in the best relationships, sex doesn’t go as you’d hoped. Fortunately, this doesn’t immediately mean the end of your relationship. With the right approach, bad sex can get better.

Cause of bad sex

Bad sex in a relationship can have many causes. So know that this is something many couples are dealing with. It doesn’t have to be a forebode to the end of the relationship, but it can be an indication of underlying problems that need attention.

1. Lack of communication
   One of the biggest causes of bad sex is lack of communication. Many couples find it hard to talk openly about their desires, preferences and discomforts in bed. This may lead to a lack of desire for both partners, because they don’t know what the other finds pleasurable or what they feel good about.

2. Boredom and routine
   When you’ve been together for a long time, your sex routine can get into a rut, which can reduce the feeling of excitement and curiosity. If sex becomes predictable, it can even start to feel as an obligation, rather than something to look forward to.

3. Fatigue or stress
   Daily stress, work pressure or even physical fatigue can have a negative effect on your sex drive. If one of the partners constantly feels tired or under pressure, this can complicate the sexual relationship. In some cases, this can even lead to a decrease of sexual desire of one or both partners.

4. Insecurities or self-image problems
   Sex can be difficult when you feel insecure about your body or when you have negative thoughts about yourself. Avoidance behavior lurks, making the sexual experience less enjoyable and less intimate.

5. Unresolved emotional issues
   Sometimes, bad sex can be the result of emotional distance or unresolved conflicts between partners. If you’re emotionally disconnected from your partner, this can work through in the bedroom. Tensions in the relationship can undermine sexual energy.

What can you do about bad sex?

The good news is that bad sex doesn’t have to result in the end of the relationship. There are several steps you can take to improve the quality of your sex life.

1. Open and honest communication
   It all starts with talking. Talk to your partner about what you feel, both sexually and emotionally. Be honest about what you do and don’t like in bed, but do so in a respectful way. Try not to put blame, but focus on solutions instead. It may be uneasy at first, but open communication is essential to a healthy sexual relationship.

2. Try new things
   If the sex has become predictable, it can be helpful to try new things together. This doesn’t necessarily mean drastically changing your sexual routine, but it can help to find new ways to reignite passion. Ranging from trying new positions to adding new toys or erotic fantasies to your sex life.

3. Strengthen your emotional bond
   Sex is often better when you feel emotionally connected to your partner. Schedule moments to spend time together outside the bedroom. Make time for conversation, date nights and joint activities that strengthen your bond. The stronger the emotional bond, the more sexual energy infuses the relationship.

4. Take care of yourself
   Feeling good about your body and mind is crucial for a healthy sex life. If you feel insecure, try to work on your self-confidence. This is possible through self-care, improving your health, or simply by accepting who you are. If you feel good about yourself, you radiate this, which often has a positive effect on your sexual experiences.

5. Resolve emotional tension
   If there are underlying emotional problems affecting the sexual relationship, it’s good to address them. Sometimes it can be useful to consult a relationship therapist or sexologist to discuss these problems. It’s essential not to ignore that there may be more going on than just the sexual matters.

And last but not least, don’t lose sight of why you fell for your partner and what aspects and character traits you appreciate in them. We sometimes tend to focus too much on things we’d like to change causing all the good things to fade into the background.