Paying for sex

Paying for sex

By Rebecca, 24.10.2022

It is totally normal for you to feel a bit nervous before hiring your first escort or sex worker. There is a lot of stigma associated with paying for sex, which means there isn’t very much information available about what to do and what to not do when hiring an escort or sex worker. We have a few tips for you if you’re planning on paying for sex or any sex-related activities.

#1 Research What to Do with a Grain of Salt

While there is not a ton of information online about hiring an escort, there is still some information. It can be a good idea to read through a few first-hand encounters or tips from escorts themselves. However, when reading through the articles online, please keep in mind that there is an overwhelming “dude bro” vibe and a whole lot of misogyny that unfortunately comes with the topic. If you’re researching online, don’t forget your Incognito Mode and to seek out people who write respectfully about sex workers.

#2 Learn Your Local Laws

Sex work is not legal everywhere, so make sure you understand the laws in your city before pursuing anything.

#3 Research Your Escort

There are individual escorts and people who with agencies. Either way, there should be some kind of vetting process done. The best way to find someone is to get a reference from a friend, but if that is not possible then make sure you find someone with reviews or a reputable agency. Make sure to read all of their rules and rates, and contact them by their preferred method. You should always talk to the agency or the escort prior to booking.

#4 Prepare to be Vetted

Similarly, the escort or agency is going to want to make sure you’re really who you say you are and that you don’t risk putting the employee in danger. Often, there is an extensive questioning if it is your first time. If it isn’t your first time, then you can provide the names of previous sex workers for them to check you out. While payment does not have to be by credit card, there will most likely be required to provide some sort of identification. This is to make sure the escorts are safe. If they aren’t asking you questions, then they don’t care about their employees and you should not book with them.

#5 Discuss Everything Upfront

Not every sex worker is up for anything. You need to discuss what you would like to do prior to meeting up with them. If you want to be dominated, you want to make sure you aren’t hiring a submissive. If you want to have anal sex, then you need to make sure that is a (paid) possibility beforehand. Even if you just want to sit there and chat, you need to tell them before you meet up. There should be no surprises once the two of you get together. This helps ensure you get what you want, and the escort does not feel forced into doing anything.

#6 The Money Stuff

By the time an escort walks in the door, you should already know the amount of money you will pay them. There should be rates mentioned online, and you should have already confirmed that those rates include the things you want to do. There is negotiation in terms of what you want to do, but there should never be a negotiation in terms of what those acts are worth in dollar value. Escorts set rates they are comfortable with, and those should never be negotiated. If you cannot afford them, then find someone else.

Money should be given to the escort prior to their services. You should have the correct amount in an envelope for them, with some extra cash to pay a tip at the end. Some escorts will specify certain “gifts” you can give them instead of a cash tip if that is more your thing.

#7 Clean Up

You should always groom yourself before a session, just like you would if you were going on a date with someone. Make sure to shower, wear clean clothes, and not over-do the perfume or cologne.

If you have hired someone for an outcall (at your house/hotel/etc.) then you should ensure they are arriving to a clean location.

#8 Expect to use Protection

You should use condoms, dental dams, latex gloves, etc. This goes for all sexual acts, including fingering and oral sex (including blow jobs). You want to reduce the risk of contracting any STI and the escort will want to reduce the risk of contracting anything from you. Expect the person you hired to bring protection, and if you have a certain preference make sure to bring your own.

#9 Respect Each Other

Just because you are paying for sex doesn’t mean you can stop respecting the person you are with. Act like you’re on a date with your girlfriend or boyfriend and treat them how you would like to be treated.

If you’re still nervous about paying someone for sex for the first time, you can always tell that to the escort. It’s okay to be nervous about this, and it is okay to confide in someone that you aren’t totally sure what to do. They’ll appreciate knowing it is your first time.

Be safe, be smart, and have fun!

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