Check your goods: the big MOT down-under

Let’s be honest: we spend hours picking the right sneakers, trimming the beard or scrolling through our feed. But when was the last time you actually took the time to look after your ‘crown jewels’? A monthly check-up of your penis and testicles isn’t a luxury; it’s the most important MOT you can give yourself.

Why is it so important?

Your testicles and penis aren’t just for show or pleasure; they’re indicators of your health.

Early detection: testicular cancer is the most common form of cancer in young men between the ages of15 and 44. The good news? If caught early, it’s one of the most treatable forms of cancer.

Know your own ‘normal’: by checking your penis every month, you learn just how everything’s supposed to be. So you’ll instantly notice an unusual bump or a change in texture.

STD-free: a quick look at the skin of your penis can reveal sores or warts before they become a bigger problem (or an awkward conversation with your partner).

The Step-by-step plan: how to do the check

The best time for this check-up? Under a warm shower or directly afterwards. Warm water relaxes the skin of your scrotum, so you’ll feel everything much better.

Step 1: the Testicle-Check (The Rolling Stones)
Take one testicle between your thumbs and fingers and gently, but firmly, roll it between your fingers. What to look for? Feel for any hard lumps, unusual hardness or any change in size or shape.

Good to know: it’s completely normal for one testicle to be slightly larger or hang a little lower than the other. You should also feel a soft, twisty tube at the back (the epididymis); this is normal!

Step 2: the Penis-Inspection (The Grand Tour)
Examine the shaft and glans from all sides.

Retract the foreskin: if you are not circumcised, completely retract the foreskin. Check the glans for spots, redness or unusual discharge from the urethra.

Feel the shaft: run your fingers along the length of the penis to check for hard spots or connective tissue that wasn’t there before.

When should you call the doctor?

Don’t panic if you discover something unusual, but be a man and get it checked out. Make an appointment with your doctor if you:

• feel a painless hard lump in your testicles;
• experience sudden pain or a heavy feeling in your scrotum;
• discover sores, warts or hard spots on your penis shaft.

Pro-tip for 2026: April is Testicular Cancer Awareness Month. A perfect time to subtly remind your friends to keep ‘their goods’ in order.

In short: take 2 minutes every month to check your goods. It won’t take a moment, but it could save your life. Stay healthy!