Finding Time For Intimacy: Prioritising your Love Life in Communal Spaces
For some, recent occurrences might mean that they are now living in spaces occupied by more people than are usually present. For others communal living might be an everyday way of life. One thing is sure – having other people in your proximity can really put a dampener on your love life.
Living with others can mean that you (or your partner/s) don’t feel wholly comfortable engaging in sexual activity while others are around. There can be a fear of being overheard, a lack of opportune moments, of even just a clash of routines. Let’s face it, trying to have a tender sex session just doesn’t work if a house mate is blaring out their favourite Metallica album.
But living with others shouldn’t have to be a sexual death sentence. All it requires is a little bit of intimacy logistics. Here are a few of our top tips.
#1 Know Your Times
If you live in a shared space then, chances are, you’re quite familiar with people’s routines.
While it’s not the most spontaneous of things, working out other’s routines and having your own routine time where sex and intimacy are an option can be incredibly helpful.
This allows you to know when you can get intimate in a time where there will be no fear of getting interrupted or of being overheard by others.
Under the right circumstances this can even be quite a positive thing. Knowing when your times for intimacy are gives you something to look forward to and allows you to plan ahead and make certain slots special if you wish. This allows for confidence in your intimacy and diminishes any feelings of uncertainty that might otherwise hinder a healthy and relaxed sex life.
#2 Set Rules
If you live in a communal space with other adults then there’s nothing stopping you from being open and honest about your intimacy needs and setting some collective ‘house rules’ around sex.
This can be anything from letting people know when you plan to have a partner round (or have a special night together) to having a ‘hat on the door – do not disturb’ rule that everyone is aware of and follows.
Of course, this depends on the receptiveness of your house mates but if everyone is game then it pays to come together so that you can enjoy your more private moments.
#3 Know When to Go ‘Stealth Mode’
Sometimes you may still want spontaneous or more discreet moments, in which case it’s all about logistics and knowing how to go about sex stealthily.
Use quiet devices (if you use sex toys), minimize moaning, make sure your bed isn’t too creaky/squeaky, and perhaps play some music in your room (or have the radio on in a communal space) to block out any excess noise.
Make sure you have everything you need in your room – safer sex barriers, wipes/toilet roll, any additional adult play items, a glass of water, etc.
As long as you have everything in place, keep the volume low and the doors locked, then there’s nothing stopping you from having fun.
#4 Make Use of the Bathroom
Showers and baths are both great places for sexual activity if you know how to use them.
Just make sure that you do use some lubricant – as water causes more friction during sex which is offset by silicone lubricant.
If you’re not a fan of shower sex, then the alternative is to use the bathroom space as a stealth area. Turn on the shower, use the noise to drown out your intimate moments, and enjoy.
The bonus in this? You can clean up immediately afterwards – plus your washbag can also double as a stealth bag for any additional play items.
#5 Be Sexually Confident (but Respectful)
One of the best things you can do to help have a healthy sex life in a communal space is to embrace the fact that you’ll likely be having sex in such spaces.
People like sex – it happens – and we all want intimacy, so why let living with others stop you?
Chances are those that you share a space with also want to seek sex and intimacy, so you’ll rarely be alone in having this need.
Just be sure to respect the communal space, use some common sense with how you go about having intimacy, and respect the sex lives of your house mates and there should be very few barriers to having a healthy and happy sex life.
Sometimes the best way to resolve a situation is simply to accept it for what it is and act accordingly.