Domination for dummies; how to call on your dominant side

In many BDSM relationships a dom/sub relation exists; one person is dominant, while the other is submissive. Even in ‘regular’ relationships one person tends to be more dominant than the other in the bedroom. For many people the man is the one to take control, but we know, of course, that’s not always the case. There’s no doubt that women can be in control too. And many men love it when their partner is not the shy kind. 

People who are bossy and in control in daily life are often not that dominating in the bedroom. These are the people that lead companies, have lots of responsibilities and important decisions to make. They love to let all that go in the bedroom.

You can change roles anytime, the same person doesn’t always has to be the dominant one and vice versa. You might feel a bit naughty and feel the want to control, when you’re normally the person that follows the lead. One day you are a powerful dominatrix, the other the humble submissive. But for some people it can be a real challenge to take on a different role, they might think they lack the courage or confidence to play the dominant role. In that case we have some tips for you to help find your inner dominance. 

Mental Dominance
To be convincing, you have to be convinced too. It helps to give yourself a pep talk, tell yourself you are in control! Stand in front of the mirror and tell yourself you decide what happens. Talk out loud and tell your reflection who’s the boss,  “I am the boss!”. 

Master Plan
Before you go and be the boss, try to visualize what you want to do and make happen when you are in control. How are you presenting yourself to your partner? How will you dominate? You don’t have to write a whole script, but it really helps when you have an idea. Think about how you want the sex to start. Taking initiative is already a nice first step to take control. What next? Leading his hands to your breasts, to your panties? Think of a position you like to try, something you will be confident in doing. Practice how to talk to your partner dominantly. If you know what you want and know how to ask for it you will come across as dominant. Give your partner clear orders, don’t ask them nicely to go down on you. Creating a nickname can be exciting too. Calling them your slave might be too much, but giving your partner a new, more submissive, name can help the credibility a lot. 

Fake it till you make it
If you are uncomfortable with showing your dominant side, it can help to loop upon it as playing a character, a role. Think of a character you want to be. You can play it as extensively as you want to. Choose to wear an outfit you feel absolutely confident in, wear a wig, extra make-up, stuff that can help you to feel more in control. What might help you stay in character is ordering your partner to only call you by the character’s name. 

Enjoy and respect each other 
Sex is something you enjoy with your partner, your fuckbuddy or a one night stand. If it’s not what you hoped it would be, no problem, now you know. You might try again, or you might find out this is something you will never do again. As long as you have fun in the bedroom. If it appears to be your thing, try not to overdo it. Crossing someone’s limits is the last thing you’d want to do. Keep communicating with your partner or choose to set some clear rules and limits before you start.