The first time woman on woman sex: tips, expectations and reality

For many women, the thought of sex with another woman is exciting and temping. Maybe you’ve fantasized about it for years, maybe it’s something that suddenly comes your way. In any case: the first time having woman on woman sex often feels different than expected. Not because it is completely different from sex with a man, but because other dynamics, emotions and more curiosity come into play.

The tension beforehand

The first time can be exciting. You’re not quite sure what’s going to happen and you might wonder if you are “doing things right”. Maybe you set the bar too high, because you think that as a woman you should automatically find all the right spots right away. But that’s the beauty: there’s no fixed script for woman on woman sex. There’s no standard way, no pressure to perform. It’s all about discovering, touching and enjoying what unfolds in the moment.

Expectations versus reality

Many women get their first image of sex with a woman from porn or movies. You often see endless kissing scenes or acrobatic positions there. In reality, it’s usually much more intimate, softer and more playful. It’s often less about penetration, and more about touch, foreplay and curiosity. Think of long kisses, caressing, fingering and oral sex. Playing with sex toys is possible, but not really necessary.

The difference with sex with a man

Where sex with a man is often focused sooner on penetration and climax, with sex between women there’s more focus on the process. Many women experience it as more sensual and detailed: more attention to foreplay, more variation in touches and a stronger emotional connection. This doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s better or worse. It’s just different.

Tips for a good first time

• Talk to each other. Indicate what you find exciting and ask what the other likes. Especially for a first time, communication is the key to relaxation.
• Take your time. There’s no rush. Slow discovery can be just as arousing as trying something new.
• Use lubricant. Especially with longer sessions or if you play with toys, lube makes everything more comfortable and enjoyable.
• Let go of perfection. Clumsiness, giggles or a wrong movement are all part of it, and often make things lighter.

The emotional side

The first time having sex with a woman can trigger more than physical sensations. Maybe there’s a sense of relief because you’re finally fulfilling your curiosity. You may also be confused because you don’t know what this means for your sexual orientation. It’s all okay. You don’t have to give yourself a label just because you were intimate with a woman once. Consider it an enriching experience, not a label you have to wear.