The ultimate guide to the French kiss

A good French kiss is much more than just some fiddling with your mouth. It’s a biological tour de force and ultimate test for your relationship. We all do it, but do we actually do it right? A French kiss is often the start to everything that comes next, but somewhere along the way we’ve come to view it as a necessary stopover. A shame, really, because a good kiss is a sexual act in itself. It’s an indicator for the chemistry between two people and the fastest way to make someone lose their way.

The build-up is everything

A good French kiss actually starts in a very contradictory way: without tongue. It’s about building up tension. Start with soft touches of the lips and vary the pressure. By teasing a little and pulling back, you force the other to seek you out. Once their lips naturally part, that’s the invitation you were waiting for. A tongue that shoots in too soon often feels blunt and takes away the tension before it’s even properly started.

Tongue trivia

• Nerve-rackingly delicious: a tongue contains more than ten thousand sensory nerves, so every touch is sent directly to the brainstem.
• Timeless pleasure: on average, we spend about two fulltime weeks of our lives on pure French kissing.
• Hormone bomb: saliva is full of testosterone; with long and wet kisses you give your partner’s libido a natural biological boost.
• The 30-second rule: in a long-term relationship, passion often fades if you only give fleeting kisses; 30 seconds of French kissing a day keeps your sexual connection alive.
• Facial fitness: you use 34 different facial muscles during a deep kiss, so it’s actually a free workout for wrinkles.

Dancing instead of wrestling

The biggest turn-off with French kissing is a partner who uses their tongue like a drill. It should be a dance, not a wrestling match. Vary with pace and depth. Use the tip of your tongue to explore their lips and then let your tongue slide deeper inside for just a moment. The secret lies in variation: sometimes soft and exploratory, then powerful and demanding. Listen to your partner’s breathing; if it quickens, you know you’re on the right track.

Why we close our eyes

Have you ever wondered why almost everyone closes their eyes during a deep kiss? That’s no coincidence. Our brains struggle to process two intense sensory stimuli simultaneously. By closing your eyes, you temporarily switch off the visual system, shifting your full focus to the senses of touch and taste. When you can’t see anything, you simply feel their lips and tongue much better. It intensifies the focus on the texture and temperature of their mouth.

Hands out of your pockets

A French kiss doesn’t only take place in the mouth. While your tongue does the work, you can double the intensity by also using your hands. Pull your partner closer to you, put a hand in their neck or grab their hair. The combination of wet contact in the mouth and the firm grip of your hands creates a short circuit in the brain that instantly radiates through the rest of the body.

Ditch the routine and go back to basics. A French kiss isn’t an appetizer, it’s the main prize. Once you’ve mastered it, the rest of the evening is yours. Love is too short for boring kisses, so take your time and savor every movement.