‘Call Me By My Name’: Sexual Labelling in BDSM
BDSM

‘Call Me By My Name’: Sexual Labelling in BDSM

By Emmeline Peaches, 25.11.2019

Names are a potent thing. 

They can define us, endear us to someone, or help create an entirely new identity. 

In a sexual setting they can also be an important way of framing a scene, a relationship, or how we hope to be treated by our playmate. 

For anyone new to BDSM the idea of picking out a scene name, a slave name, or anything similar might seem like a nerve-wracking endeavor. 

Sure, there are the classic names, but why are they so classic? And what happens if you want to break the mold? 

Todays article is all about names, why they matter, popular options, and how you might use your name to define your play. 

Naming 101s

Creating a name for a sexual encounter (or relationship) is a premise that has been inherent in romantic and sexual entanglements for many centuries. Because of this a certain amount of guidelines have been constructed for sexual naming and for their significance. 

Take, for example, naming in a sexual roleplay. In such situations, the individuals involved often choose their own names, agree upon them in advance (or not, if it’s meant to be a ‘first meeting’ roleplay) and then mutually respect and use these names. 

In a strict BDSM relationship, as a different example, a ‘slave name’ might be given to the Submissive by their dominant and part of deciphering, accepting, and owning that name becomes part of the intimate relationship between slave and master. 

Naming isn’t always so strict, however, and sometimes names are discussed and given in advance of a BDSM scene by each individual involved and then used thereafter. 

Then, of course, you have kink-based play scenes – such as student and teacher, boss and worker, pup and owner, baby/toddler and caregiver, in which names almost come intuitively. 

No matter the dynamics of your relationship, it’s important to agree upon who is giving the names chosen (the individual or their partner/s) and to establish comfortable boundaries around them. 

Respect is inherent in all sexual exchanges, and sexual names come under this remit. 

Common Names

So what are some of the common names and terminology out there? Here are just a few that we can suggest to you:

Master & Slave: Straightforward and simple, used for BDSM scenes where a slave dynamic is present. Good for serious kinksters and newbies alike. 

Mistress/Ma’am/Sir & Variant: Typical names for Dominants, with the Dominant then choosing what to call their Submissive. Also good for MILF scenarios or the male equivalent. 

Good Boy/Girl: Praising terms for Submissives in a BDSM scenario. 

Daddy/Mommy & Little One: Useful in adult baby or Daddy Dom, Little Girl scenarios. 

Your Highness/M’lady/M’Lord/Leige/Goddess: Good for worship situations or those where regality or fantasy come in to play. Depending on the situation a Sub may be a Squire, Jester, Willing Servant, etc.

Owner & Pup: For puppy play scenarios. Also used are Handler, Caretaker, and Controller for Doms or Alpha if two pups are playing together. 

Doctor & Ms/Mr …: Good for medical roleplays. 

A Name Apart

But what about when you want to choose a name that isn’t typical? 

Perhaps there’s an affectionate pet name or nickname that you already go by and you’d prefer that?

In such cases feel free to discuss the possibility of using that nickname. If it already exists In your relationship/s then hearing it said in a more erotically driven scenario might bring even more meaning and enrichment to it. 

Then, of course, there are situations where you’re roleplaying or acting as normal individuals, perhaps meeting in a bar, or having a torrid adventure together and you’d like to go by a more typical name. 

In which cases we encourage you to get creative. 

Pick a name that you like the sound of or that has personal meaning to you. 

Alternatively look through a list of ‘baby names’ and find one that has a meaning or description that you like. 

Lots of names have a double meaning (Amy means ‘beloved’ and Enit means ‘soul’ as two examples) which means that you can keep either a silent second significance to the name you pick or reveal your name’s meaning to your partner/s when you wish to. 

Remember; sexual naming is about what will have value to you and to those that you choose to engage with. It’s for this reason that a lot of FemDoms put a great deal of thought in to their names and how they will be considered by their patrons. 

Pick the right name for the situation you’re engaging with and you will have already set the atmosphere for the type of play that you’re hoping to experience.

You can also always change your naming conventions based on different play scenarios too. 

No one need be beholden to a name forever but, once you have that name, you might find it means more to you then you could have imagined. 

Restraint 2: Ryan Driller & Valentina Nappi

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