Your first date after a long relationship

You’ve been out of it for years. You knew each other’s bodies inside out. You knew exactly what the other liked and they knew just what you liked. A kiss hadn’t been thrilling for a long time; it mostly felt familiar. You were just completely in sync. That fixed routine is gone now and suddenly you’re single again. While you were settled all those years, that dating world has kept going strong. It may well be that the whole swipe culture hadn’t even been invented yet when you were last out there, at a time when you simply arranged a date at the bar. 

Now, you suddenly have to get used to it again. Flirting again, discovering again how a complete new person kisses and starting from scratch with a complete stranger. That isn’t romantic; in the beginning it’s just hard work and maybe even terrifying. 

Just take a moment to yourself: do I feel like meeting someone to have a good time with? Don’t take the feeling of finding it nerve-racking as starting point. Because it’s nerve-racking anyway, so if you wait for that, you’ll never get out of the house. The real question you should ask yourself is: am I ready for it? If the answer is yes, then it’s time to take the leap.

But the next question is: where do I start? You can go nice and modern by using an app. Then you start with a little flirting on your phone, nice and safe on your own couch. It’s the ideal way to warm up your social muscles without a total stranger actually being in your personal space right away.

After that, it’s time to step out of the digital bubble. Your first date. Next to it being exciting and awkward, it’s also a lot of fun! You meet new people, you take a dive and can try something that you may not have been able to do for a long time without reservations. How good is that! So let’s go.

The secret is to not take it too seriously. You don’t immediately have to dive deep to determine whether this is the person you want to share your mortgage with for the next 30 years. Instead, you can think of it as a nice evening out. A few laughs and a good glass of wine on your first date are worth much more than a full psychological assessment.

And then, suddenly, you click. The conversation runs more smoothly, the drinks go down more easily and you can feel the tension in the air. Then there’s that inevitable moment: are we going to kiss or not? That very first kiss with someone new is nerve-racking but also incredibly hot. You discover a completely new taste and a different technique from the one you’ve been used to for years. And does it taste like more? Go with the flow. Whether you end up between the sheets or leave it at that one good kiss, just enjoy the kick of it. You’re finally rediscovering what you like and what makes you feel good. Being genuinely liked by someone for the first time again is the best validation you can get.