What TikTok does (and doesn’t) teach you about sex

TikTok is known for dance videos, lip-syncs and life hacks, but lately something else is going on. Sex is hot on TikTok. Not literal nudity (which isn’t allowed), but in the form of tips, trends and taboos popping up in your feed in playful, clever and sometimes bizarre ways. From #vabbing to ‘the ice cube trick’ and ‘how to drive a woman crazy with one finger’. Welcome to Gen Z’s sexual playground. But what is interesting, what is nonsense, and what is just fun to try? This is what we’ve been seeing lately. 

1. Sex as lifestyle trend

On TikTok, sex is not discussed as ‘just an act’, but as part of a lifestyle. Think of: how you radiate confidence, how you come across, how you communicate about desire. Popular creators show how to build up dirty talk without cringing, or how to create tension by … not doing anything. It’s about presence, the game, the invisible.

2. The ‘soft tips’ that do work

Explicit sex is not allowed on TikTok, so it’s all about suggestion. And that is exactly why some tips are surprisingly good.

– The ice cube trend: sliding an ice cube along somebody’s neck or stomach to awaken their senses — simple, sensual and perfect for hot summer days.
– The stretch-fantasy: sex doesn’t start in bed, but in your body. Short stretch videos  (think: hip openers, pelvic movements) are shared en masse and they secretly feel a bit like foreplay.

3. The more bizarre trends (that mainly make you laugh)

Some TikTok trends are… interesting. Like vabbing (using your vaginal discharge as perfume) or the ‘soaking’ trend (letting your partner rest inside you without moving). Such trends are often exaggerated, taken out of context, or just downright funny. And yet: they start a conversation. About scent, desire, boundaries and beliefs. Which is valuable in itself.

4. What you can get out of it 

TikTok is not a sexologist. But it does show how open and creative people are dealing with sexuality today. What you get out of it is up to you. Use it as an inspiration, not as a manual. Find creators that really teach you something — about consent, arousal, and connection. These accounts are fun to follow: @paprikaboy, @shanboody, @drjessigold and @yourdiagnonsense. 

5. TikTok as sex education 2.0

TikTok isn’t just a source of trends and fantasies these days, but also a surprisingly valuable platform for sex education. A good example? The Dutch account @pubersvragen where a Dutch woman answers all questions teenagers (and let’s be honest — many adults too) have but are often afraid to ask, in a down-to-earth, warm and respectful way.

What’s clever: at the start of each video she counts to three with her fingers. Which gives you time to scroll away when you’re in company. No shame, no awkwardness — just honest info about things like climaxing, condoms, masturbation, insecurity and everything in between. She makes sex discussable without things getting awkward, and that is exactly why so many teenagers (and parents!) follow her. For many people a TikTok like this is the first time they get truly honest information. No text book, no embarrassing in-class video, but just someone who says: this is normal. This is okay. And you don’t have to be ashamed of it.