What you should know before going to a sex party

Sex parties. Just the description alone conjures up all kinds of things. Maybe you think of secret places, people wearing masks, or scenes straight out of a vague movie. But the reality? Is often totally different – and a lot more interesting.

1. The etiquette: freedom starts with respect

In a setting where much is allowed, it’s actually very clear what is not allowed. Because without clear agreements about behavior, there’s no safe atmosphere.

Consent is sacred. Everything starts with explicit consent. No obviousness, no “she seemed to be okay with it”. Do you want to touch someone, even on the shoulder? Ask them first.

No is no. Without explanation. If someone doesn’t want to, that’s enough. No pressure, no questions. Your boundaries are just as important — if something doesn’t feel good, just step away.

Care is not a detail. Smelling fresh, clean hands, well-groomed nails: it all seems obvious, but is often overlooked. Respect for the other starts with yourself.

Dress code = rule. Whether it’s lingerie, ‘kinky chic’ or completely nude: check beforehand what’s expected and dress accordingly. Well-groomed and self-confident always impresses.

No phones, no photos. Privacy is crucial. Many events have a strict ban on phones on the floor. What happens there, stays there.

2. Expectations: what really happens?

The idea of a sex party often conjures up images of orgies and wild scenes. But reality is usually a lot more subtle.

You step into a space with atmosphere: soft lighting, music, people in sensual outfits. Some talking, others dancing, some touching each other — sometimes tenderly, sometimes intensely.

Sex? Yes, that could happen. But it’s never an obligation or self-evident. Many visitors, especially the first time, choose to watch, talk or participate in a workshop or ritual.

Some events start with an opening ceremony or exercises focused on breathing, touch and connection. There are zones for different forms of contact – from slow touch to free expression. All with clear boundaries.

3. Safety: physical and emotional

In this world, safety isn’t optional — it’s the foundation. Use protection. Condoms and lube are essential. Make sure you have them with you and use them. Not just for your own safety, but also out of respect for the other.

Feel your boundaries – and guard them. You could start out curious, but gradually notice something doesn’t feel right after all. That moment is exactly the moment to stop. And that’s not weak, but mature.

Go with someone you trust. Whether it’s a partner or friend: having a confidant with you makes it easier to guard your boundaries, and to share experiences afterwards.

Be open about your sexual health. Get tested regularly and communicate honestly about it. No judgement, but responsibility.

Finally: not what you think, but what you feel

Sex parties aren’t sultry clichés. They can be gentle, intense, playful or emotional — and everything in between. The common thread is always the same: safety, openness and mutual respect.

Whether you’re dancing in latex boots, meditating in a sarong or simply watching with a glass of water in hand — as long as you follow your own comfort and respect the comfort of others, you’re good.

So: dare to watch. Dare to feel. Dare to say ‘no’. And maybe, when you are ready, also ‘yes’ sometimes.