Cunnilingus is an oral sex act, in which an individual uses the tongue or lips to pleasure another individual’s vulva and/or vagina. It’s popular among face sitting, body worshipping, and (surprisingly) Taoist groups but is also a popular practice in most people’s sex lives. 

With the history of cunnilingus spanning over hundreds of years of human history, it’s not surprising that some techniques have become tried and true, whereas others should be avoided at all cost. 

In this article we’ll look at cunnilingus – the Do’s and the Don’ts 

Don’t – Skimp on the Action

There’s a common misconception that cunnilingus is ‘just’ foreplay, or that it pales in comparison to acts of penetration. This is inaccurate and codes sex in the heterotypical act of penis-in-vagina penetration. 

In truth statistics show that 70-80% of those with a vulva require clitoral stimulation to achieve orgasm – meaning that you’re actually more likely to bring a person to pleasure through good oral sex as opposed to poorly executed penetration. 

Putting comparisons aside, all sex acts are valid and should be given the time and space they require. Do not treat oral sex as if it’s something to rush through or use as a ‘warm up’ for a different destination. Always live in the moment and treat the sex act you’re doing as the most important one at that time.

Do – Diversify

Oral sex is primarily given by the tongue and lips, but that doesn’t mean you have to restrict yourself to these body parts alone. It also doesn’t mean that you have to do the same motion over and over again.

Instead, make sure that you mix fix up and/or combine movements when you’re engaging in oral sex. Use your fingers from time-to-time (either by using them on the clit or inserting them, with permission, depending on the person’s preferences). Not only will this add pleasure to the situation but it can also offer time to give your tongue a break if required. 

The clitoris can also become over-sensitive if the same pressure and pace is used during oral sex, so adjust these at times to ensure that you avoid this situation and keep things pleasurable instead of painful.

Don’t – Go Straight for a Thrust

The clitoris is sensitive and bodies need warming up before being presented with too much force. 

Because of this, you’ll want to avoid using your tongue as a thrusting or poking tool when engaging in cunnilingus (at least at first).

This is especially the case for the first few minutes of oral sex. 

If your partner has communicated to you that they like you using your tongue in a ramming motion (internally or externally) then that’s something you can act on. Otherwise, it’s probably best to opt for different motions instead.

Do- Think Long, Sweeping, Laps

It’s much more effective in cunnilingus to use your tongue for long, lapping motions, especially to start with. 

Think savouring a delicious ice cream, or insatiably clearing a plate after a delicious dessert. 

Long, soft licks are much more likely to be effective than immediately rapid or erratic motions. 

The clitoris really likes touch to stay relatively predictable during oral sex, too, so start as you mean to go on as opposed to trying to swirl your tongue as if you were writing a novel on your partner’s clit. 

Don’t – Get Overexcited

Excitement is good in sex, but you shouldn’t allow your adoration for your partner’s vulva to get the better of you. 

A female-bodied individual can take 20-45 minutes to reach climax. If you’re planning to achieve that orally then it’s important to consider your own physical capabilities.

The biggest mistake you can make is to start an oral sex session by going in as hard and fast as you can. Not only does the clit not like being overstimulated or rapidly targeted at first (see the above hints) but it’s also not likely to appreciate a drastic change of speed.

Instead, try to build up from slower laps to faster ones over time, preserving your energy and muscles for the point of climax.

Do – Show You Are Excited

Eye contact, strokes of the skin, pleasured moans – all of these will show that you are enjoying what you’re doing and will give your partner the space to do the same. 

As much as it sucks, women have been told for centuries that their pleasure is less important than male pleasure (or even that it’s obscene in nature). This is a barrier that you might face when offering to give oral sex at first. 

Expressing your pleasure makes it clear that you actually enjoy what you’re doing and allows for oral sex to be more relaxed, mutual, and arousing. 

If you make your feelings known then, chances are, you’ll soon be moaning out a similar chorus of sexual delight. 

Don’t – Assume You Will Be a Master Straight Away

Becoming good at anything takes time, and oral sex is no different. 

Talk to your partner and get feedback from them. Discover what they like and don’t like from oral sex and touch base while snuggling after a round of cunnilingus.  

The worst thing you can do is assume you are a master and not even bring your partner into consideration. It’s their body, after all, and so their view of the experience is the ultimate feedback.

Do – Feel Free to Try Some Common Techniques

These include broad, gentle laps, up and down motions, clockwise & counter clockwise circles, side-to-side, pulsating, and a light suck.

Again, be sure to get feedback on any technique you try and learn how to read your partner’s body language. 

With these Do and Don’t tips you’ll be in a good position to set the stage for some great cunnilingus. The rest is up to you.